I just spent oh, 2 hours going through old emails. Some as old as three friggin years. Not that I didnt know they were once delivered, but I just neglected to file the ones I wanted to keep, erase the ones I didnt, and sort them out. Some were from people who are no longer alive. Those were especially hard to read. Of course, I saved those....

I still dont like thinking about the future. Frankly, I dont even plan for it anymore. There are no provisions for anything significant. I mean...I have basic life insurance. But beyond that, what else is there to worry about? Specifically referring to me, my skin and everything contained therein.

If I go mental, the VA "should" step up and put me in a home so someone will wipe the drool from my chin every hour or so. Change my diapers, feed me strained foods so I dont chew my tongue off, things like that.

My personal possessions, arent of much value to anyone but me anyway. And if Im a veg it wont matter much anyway, right?

The only thing I do worry for is my family, and what will happen if one of them dies. The whole "home life" will change and not just because someone has died. We each bring to bear a portion of what it costs to live here. The idea of losing someone dear to me, then living on the street is just...well.....think about it.

*brain shuts off*

My nephew has a 5th birthday coming up. My parents have bought him a new bike. When payday hits I will more then likely get his mom (my sister) a gift card for clothing. She knows his sizes better then anyone anyway. But I will also have to include something non-clothinglike for him to open lest I look like a bore to my nephew. Kids just love getting toys not clothes as gifts. Besides I cant show up the grandparents...so it will have to be less grand then a bike. Which we all know is AWESOME.

Ever see someone absolutely gorgeous on the street in passing and your mouth drops open a little bit, you try and not stare but gawk anyway as they go past thinking what a freak you must be. And you calmly say in your head "you are fucking gorgeous" and tell yourself that stalking is still a crime.