Felt like total crap. Throat raw and sore, coughing up nothing but the gag reflex wouldnt go away. Chills and a headache. I didnt want to have to work through all this. Not when it was supposed to be a frigid day. My terminal manager as expected wasnt happy about the idea and in his normal fashion started making deals. Negotiations with a guy too sick to get out of bed, I quickly shot him down and promised to keep him informed to My condition on a daily, first-thing-in-the-morning basis. No promises other than that were offered. If I need antibiotics, I will get them, and I wont sacrifice My health to cover a shift. Not anymore.

I lay in bed, wrapped in My blanket and still now suffering a headache. No doubt caused by the low pressure system threaening to dump copious amounts of rain with lightening tonight. Sinus headaches run in the family, along with large frames, and love handles. Shaddap.

I hope someone didnt refer to me as a "goon". Im not quite sure how to take that sort of comment if its true. SOrt of like a shocked look appeared on My face, and I burned a brain cell trying to figure out why. I gave up. It is what it is.

Updating My MySpace profile (which I rarely touch) with a musica accompanyment I came across a fav bands new music. Holy shit. Mental orgasm. They went retro and made the whole album on analog euipment, and it fried Me. Im listening to it now, coughing and slamming My head around making the headache worse. True to metalhead fandom I dont give a shit. The music rocks. And its perfect workout music. KMFDM: "Hau Ruck". (heave-ho. Indeed) Pronounced "how rook".

I went to GNC after coming from FYE for the new cd and I was making a mental list of the shit I will need to regain My edge in the gym. Holy fuck suppliments are expensive. I mean they always were, but I need more of them than any time prior. Each little bottle costs between $40-$80 each. No shit. Animal pak vitamins....$45. Whey protiens in various cotainers. Vitrex, Isopure, creatine this and anabolic that. It gave me more of a headache, but I was also excited. Animal pak has triple or quadruple what any old Centrum vitamin has. The measurements were in the thousands, and not hundreds of milligrams. Holy shit thats alot of nuttrition. I laughed in the store reading the bottle. Serious shit. I am going beyond the can of tuna approach.

So after braving the cold for a cd and a liquid lunch Im back home. Still feel like shit, but the ears are happier. Music is what drives me to try harder. Aural courage. My goosebumps keep the hair on My arms standing straight. Thats no shit motivation folks.

Find me on MySpace and be my friend!

A sample plays on My profile. The one thing which wierds me out is local people making me a contact. I am actually scared for anyone to see me and recognize me on the street. "Holy shit, is that him?"

Sounds silly but I hate it when people see me for the first time and say this: "you look.....diffrent in person".

Thats like saying you thought I looked cuter, bigger, or better than what you let your mind beleive. Rejection, even camoflaged in awkwardness is still rejection. And a primary reason I dont ask people out.