I know he meant well. I respect Frank. He is a stright shooter, doesnt suger coat anything, and has a good grasp of reality. But he also deserved a brief description of why I do what I do.

I spoke in broken sentences for about 20 minutes. My sunglasses hid the tears threatening to fall but I couldnt hide the lump in My throat, or the break in My voice. It was a very sensitive topic. One I cant just let go of, or let slip by when it is something I deal with every day.

I let some anger slip out. In words and in the tone of My voice he understood I was angry. Time hasnt healed anything for me. Because I simply cant forget, or let go. You wrong Me, I dont forget it ever. You only burn me once. Sometimes I "forget" or more exactly push aside the memories I have so I can keep a focused view of things. But when I vent like that, everything comes floating back. I compound everything into the lump I keep mlocked away and that is what fuels My bitterness. An unchewed, undigested piece of crap I cant just let go of. People make it sound so easy to just up and forget, to move on. I cannot do this. I have tried and I have accepted that I will always carry a bit of a burden with Me. It is how I am living in the here and now which allows me the freedom to drop the weight while I live. But it never really goes away. Mixed in with all the bad, was good times. Guilt by association. Take the good with the bad. Thats how i do things.....

Cant have the new car WITHOUT the expense. Cant have a puppy without the poop. Cant get married and forget whats "her names birthday....

(woman in supermarket asks several questions)

"is that a real gun, with real bullets?"

Yes.

"the bullets that kill people with gunpowder in them?"

Works better than harsh language.

(she stares blankly)

Yes, they are real bullets..

*thinks to self what a moron she is*

"I hate those things...."

How nice for you.

I used to think people were so much smarter than I was for the longest time. Despite sucking at math, I come across as a fucking genius intellect next to these people. And what irks me the most is they are the ones with the money. Tell me please where I went wrong...

(the powers that be create a new life form)

"Here is your choice, you can be wealthy, good looking, but you will be a moron"

"sounds good to me, do I get a nice car?"

Why arent they drowned at birth...