Today might be the last day I have off in a while. Im really undecided about things right now. My job requires me to be responsible, and to have integrity. I take pride in that. Few people would have self control to do what I do. And to keep a level head in a crisis. But as much as I enjoy responsibilty it can also suck donkey balls.

I never signed up to become a well rounded adult. WHere was the sign up sheet for restless nights, and obligations? I never saw it. But My name ended up there anyway. What the fuck happened?

In amny ways part of me still wants to be the kid looking through the glass at the toy de jour and not worrying about anything else. We feel good about things when we are the ones who put our name on the line. We feel empowered to make whatever it was we vowed to do, work. But when it feels like a burden, we want nothing to do with it so we let the dog bury it in the back yard with the turds.

I wished I was born in a earlier time where men were men. Their word meant something then. And you could hack off the head of the guy who beat your sister up. I wish I was someone else, in a faraway place where My only activity was scuba diving. You can almost feel the weightlessness. I still wonder what it would be like to be the people you see on tv experience. I often do just that, even if the program changes minute to minute. Like living in a book. But with pictures.

Sefl discipline teaches me that doing what I should even when no one knows is the way of men. That the time for childhood yearning is over. Alright. I have accepted Im a man. So now its a healthy adult "lusting" for things I want.

I covet my neighbors wife.

I shalt steal the heart of a pretty maiden.

I will work on tha sabbath day to pay for the night befores drinking binge.

I kill braincells when appropriate.....and other things.....

Some sins were just meant to be...

I hate being in a bind. Im hoping a loophole will appear and suck me in forever.