powered by SignMyGuestbook.com

Jane Doe183 - 05/01/2012

March 14th - 04/20/2012

coming back....soon - 2012-02-02

Sickly - 2011-09-28

big changes - 2011-04-14

Get your own
 diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries

4:04 p.m. - 2005-04-13

I need dinero....

Moolah.

I actually sent someone a message plainly stating I am a sadist for hire. How cute is that?

Im extremely tired, and more than likely will be going to bed really early tonight. One of the supervisors said I could work 7 days a week if I wanted because he knows of My situation. As pleased as I should be that people are concerned, I am utterly pissed that all they can say is buy a piece of crap car for like $1200 or something. Money I can use to fix the other one. They just dont get it.

For the past few weeks as well, we have shut the heat off completely to conserve fuel. Hot showers only. So yours truly has been shivering in a sleeping bag each night hoping warmer weather is on the way. No money for heat sucks.

Sometimes when we really think about it, life can be pretty overwhelming. Not living. But surviving our modern civilization. How money makes it all happen. And when you dont have alkot of it, everything is compounded on your shoulders. Why white collared preppy types eat overly priced food for lunch, and you have PB&J in your lunchbox you sometimes wonder what have I done wrong? Not a moment passes without me wondering what it would be like to have some of the money I throw around. How vastly diffrent My lifestyle might be. No playboy life....... I know I wouldnt change. I dont seek coutless riches.....I just want what normal people have. The freedom to get what they need without turning their heat off...

I also had a dream last night. A waking dream which sort of emphasised a point which made itself apparent today. During todays run a car with four males were parked right outside the second to last stop of the day. The car was full. I saw them before I even left the truck, to fetch a cart to load currency for the store. I watched them watching me, and the open door of the truck. I told My partner to "watch the clowns in the car" and he drew his pistol and assured me if a door opened they wouldnt get far.

My dream revolved around My willingness to follow through if there is a threat. I have discussed it before, and written about it here. Too many people fear (reasonably so with our legal system) lawsuits against them by the criminals trying to harm or rob them. They wouldnt even draw their gun.....so why the hell do you even carry one? What is it decoration? They want nothing to do with legality, and would let a criminal do whatever they wished as long as "he didnt hurt me". Sure you would....

WHere does thinking a person intent on getting what he wants, knowing we are fucking armed wouldnt resort to killing you? You attack armed guards, you realize there is a good chance you will get shot. So why give up so easily? No, the money isnt worth your life. But just the threat of a weapon near me, or someone else is grounds for deadly force. Thats the law.

I get so worked up over this....

To the point of anger, and exxasperation(sp?) and throwing a fit. WHy put a concientious objector on my route? How can I trust them? My back is turned and they would rather surrender? Fuck.....that.

Im also a advocate for women to arm themselves, and take martial arts. There have been too many women, I know personally who have been victims of some kind of assualt. A mugger might only want your purse. FIne. But if he doesnt want your purse....pleading isnt going to work. And fighting they say can lead to them hurting you more. There is no way to predict what a desperate attacker will do. The diffrence can be quite diffrent if you are prepared. Knowing how to fight, or knowing how to use a weapon can and will save your life. I know I cant protect them all.

I am really wanting that damn SUV. As much as I need many things, I know I want, and need that. Reliable transportation, and capable of doing things I couldnt before. I thought maybe if I took a portion of each payday, and held it in cash in a safe place...... I might have enough to put a large down payment on it......or split it by paying off the old and getting a new loan for the new. But that is still wishful thinking. Working 7 days a week will still only get me so much. Side jobs. Need someones legs broken? Drop me a line.

3 people who actually read this crap

previous - next

This site is certified 100% EVIL by the Gematriculator

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!

BroadWave Streaming Audio Server by NCH Software.