Oh and its raining.

A friend sent me a cd for a gift. Said a song on it reminded them of Me. It is a sad song, but they describe it as sweet too. I in My infinate mental retardness analyzed the words to this song all day. Catchy beat, nice vocals. But it is a song about a couple who are breaking up. The man is in denial, and naive as to why she is leaving him. He is obviously in the wrong, and she leaves him knowing he screwed up.

o_o

Anyone who knows me....realizes I am too hard on Myself, and DO blame Me for everything that could have possibly happened in pst relationships. Even the ones where I was obviously a victim.

Im not mad. They meant well. Even had the disc signed by the band.

Im just confuzzled again.

My knees still fucking hurt, and Im done eating My steamed chicken and brocolli...

To the horny masses out there...... when taking matters into your own hands fails...... I guess there is no recourse but to reach for the little black book....

I dont even have a little black pamphlet. No business card either. Im lucky if I could get a half assed "fuck you" screamed at me from across a room.....

And now I get to watch a woman with really big hooters make moves on Charlie Sheen.....

Worked a triple job day. I could use the extra pennies. We all could.

Why do I try really hard for people to notice me, when in actuality Im ashamed of how I look in the first place? Maybe they might overlook My physical appearance and see My dazzling personality without me saying a word. Yeah.......sure...

I think someday Id like to be able to go shopping for bedsheets. Matching draperies. Kitchen appliances. A furry toilet seat cover.

Normal shit people think are trivial, but are the mark of a normal life. Do I want the white picket fence? No. Is paying for a home thats falling apart a piece of the american dream? I would settle for that tent by the roadside....especially if I had someone to share My sleeping bag with. But few are willing to live day to day without garuntees.

My knees.........

And I should be in bed by now, but Im not.

Im not really upset. or depressed more than usual. Im just ........ yearning....

cant blame me for that.