Damn memories....

I sat thinking how I feel these days.

Old guilty feelings long forgotten, but often relived.

Trees with lights.

I used to live for Christmas. The whole holiday spirit. Presents, snow, and days off. And the music....

I believed in Santa. Rudolph. Everything I had ever been told......it hurt having all those dreams fall away.

I know too much know, I doubt too much.

There is no such thing as a island of misfit toys....silly gooses....

(flashbacks, and flashfloods)

Im ashamed to admit I have a very poor confidence problem. Low self esteem.

I know alot of people do, but Im actually admitting this openly now. Courage in the face of the enemy isnt confidence. I have more guts to run head long into combat, then to face My innermost fears of acceptance, and social interaction.

yeah, I know alot about people......

Ive been told this many times.

But for as much as I know, I cant put My knowledge into practical application. Why? Im scared. I have mentioned it before.....but does that make me a weaker person? The answer is no......but Im not so sure, you know?

I just dont get things sometimes. I get conused too easily. Too niave.

How many guys claim to want love, yet push the first girl away who shows any interest? Who offers negatives instead of positives to seal the deal? You are looking at him.

Even when oppertunity knocks, pessimism kills it dead.

How many guys My age, in My cloths, with My outward attitudes have a collection (small) of beanie babies cuz he thought they were cute?

I dont sleep with them, shaddap....

I still cling to old childhood traits. mainly because I miss being a kid. Adult life is just as bad, as childhood. With added responsibility added on. That sucks.

Im a misfit manthing....

Wheres My stocking?

Where did My dreams go....

Why does it have to suck all the time...

Why the fuck am I even rambling about this shit.....