I didnt even listen to the radio. I just started it and silently hoped all would work. But once at work I still made phonecalls. Inquiries. The dealer who worked on the car twice before said $80 to check it, and reccomended a $129 transmission fluid change regardless. Oh, and a new tranny through them is a measly $3000.

I nearly puked on the desk.

I dont have $3000 laying around. So I made more calls. A place was highly recomendedand I called. Not only are they specialists, they will check it for free. Guess where Im going.

I sort of felt like crap all day. be tween this itchy, mucoid feeling in the back of My throat the day just had a shitty feeling to it. As if the powers that be condemened all who were alive in My small part of the universe. Yesterday I felt alot better about Myself too.

So much going on, so little time, and limited funds. Those are the times which really suck and send your spirits crashing back to earth. SOme days your flying high, nothing can stop you, the next your being dragged kicking and screaming back to reality by some act of chance upon your small world. Bad luck maybe. Regardless of what you wish to call it the results are the same. Feelings of defeat.... the wheels in our minds start turning to recalculate all the other small instances we forgot about and everything goes to shit. Might be a good explanation as to why Im such a pessimist alot of the time. Im so used to bad news or broken promises its expected now. But Im trying to grow out of it, not merely push it aside. Im a work in progress....

The reason I offered this contst here in diaryland is because I think someone who has read My diary, or taken the time to show me some attention deserves to win. Fair, right? And the money is also because I will legally own the design. Artists need to be paid. And they deserve to be paid, not just peanuts.

My many ups and downs, trials and tribulations always seem to amaze me. I try to keep an open mind, but sometimes old feelings die hard.....and slump back to old bitterness.

Im off tomorrow. And the list of errands is fucking long and distinguished. I hope I can complete them all in time. I hope, I hope, I hope......

I might go watch a movie......

Or plot world distruction, guess you will all have to just wait and see?

Dont ya love suspense? Is the girl your bringing home packing more than you bargained for? Lets see whats behind skirt number one!

Ok, that was sick, and I need to scrub My brain with soap......