o_o

Yesterday morning was like all others. I Wasnt running late, grabbed My shakes, keys and hit the door walking cuz running would hurt....and I bruise. Since My diet Ive had to tinkle more often, making sleep broken but if it makes My thighs smaller......sacrifices can be made. So Im driving to work, not too much traffic, it is after all a monday morning. But Rush hour being what it is there is eventually a quagmire of cars to contend with a half mile from work. Did I mention is was pissing too? Rain for the layman. Lots of it. So seeing the turnoff for My exit I make for the right lane, blinker on and about 100 feet or so before the offramp I slide to the right a little. Mind you traffic is going about 2miles per hour. Breakneck speed it isnt. Unless your a snail, then whoa. My tires DO cross over the shoulder lines in an attempt to show the person behind Me Im turning and they can pull up to the car in front of Me. We all do it right?

o_o

The car in front of me moves, and there he is......in all his glory. Mr Highway patrol.

Hello there motorist....

*stepping out into the offramp and waving Me behind his patrol car*

Motherfucker....

At this point Im cursing My luck, and My heart is frozen in place. Im so, so dead. No passenger mirror, and My inspection sticker has expired. This isnt going to be kool.

*rolling the window down the officer states in his command voice poiting to fingers on his hand, very professional, for someone who needs to emphasize points. Try cue cards next time officer*

"the reason I pulled you over was you were riding the shoulder which is prohibited by law and yadda, yadda, yadda......lisence and registration please" *as he was counting off fingers*

o_o he hasnt looked at My winshield yet but he will when I get My registration out. Im so dead, and I will have no money. Fuck.

Just as Im getting out My wallet he waves another car/truck over behind me. One fish, two fish I suppose. For the same offense. He takes My info, Im trying to act calm and not looking at him as he glances to the windshiled, and after what seemed like forever, well maybe 5 seconds he states he will return shortly. One ticket, two ticket....two tickets....ha ha ha ha.

o_o yes that was a sesame st reference.....shaddap.

*looks at watch, almost late for work, people staring........embarrassment, shame*

Its times like this a little forthought would have helped matters but no......blonde hairs win yet again.

*officer walking back to My car* "here is your summons, information on payment is on the reverse, drive safely and do you need help getting into traffic?"

Im sure he assumed I was merely riding the shoulder to pass cars but I was really getting off for My exit. he looked surprized and I looked at the 'ticket" meaning not two and instead put the car in gear to leave as I just wanted out of his sight. he waved me through and I was at work soon after.

End result:

Violation section 1131 of the traffic violations code.

"drive on shoulder"

Fine: $40 plus $50 surcharge....

$90 boo-boo....

He either didnt see the inspection sticker, which means I lucked out regardless of My mistake, or.....he cut me slack cuz he knew I would kick his ass.

o_o

guess I will play lotto...

And now forsomething a little more meaningful...

Why we love animals (or should). Pets people, pets.

I will use a woman as an example. She will have a dog or cat as a pet. Cute, adorable, and occasionaly begs to be petted. Doesnt forget birthdays, annaversaries, or dates cuz they "forgot". Loves her regardless if she yelled for them peeing on the carpet, and doesnt matter what you look like. Its a reciprocated love. They wont cheat,or break your heart. Simply steal it instead. Why date men who for the most part rarely if ever show any compassion for anothers needs except their own if they feel emotionally threatened. (this is a recurring theme I see with friends of Mine, and it pisses me off to no end) Or worst case, theylie about ever loving this girl and break her heart wide open. Mr puppy or miss kitty would NEVER do that.

So..... would i fare better if I fetched the paper and whimpered for treats?

I didnt think so....