I had a very enlightening, if not bittersweet discussion on the phone tonight with someone whom I care a great deal. And it made me see some things, and let me say some things Ive been meaning to say for a long time.

Its hard for me to take compliments. Im always guarded like that, reading into things for emotion, or sarcasm. because when it comes to me, I cant tell the diffrence really. But part of My discussion tonight brought out a simple truth in My talk.

Consider the source...

All through My childhood I was forced into a emotional corner on a daily basis by My peers. Children are very open about how they feel about people. Sometimes brutally honest to a flaw. As a kid growing up I knew how people saw me was possibly how I should see Myself. So thats exactly what I did.

I saw Myself through the eyes of others. but what I never considered was this:

How did these people see themselves, and did it influence their actions? I bet it did. Studies, and facts have shown many kids, young adults to be depressed, and unhappy about how they look, or how people see them. This being true, some of the popular kids might have been scared of being dropped from their lofty positions and ridiculed so would attck lesser kids to bost their own standings. Peer pressure knows no age.

So with a skewed view of things I grew up. Even wearing dress blues I saw no improvement. Remember, I believed I was the worst abomination life had. A mistake by birth. So despite My feelings I had for Myself I went through the motions trying to please people around me. Perhaps I was too nice. Too accommodating. But I didnt love who I was. Sometimes I still dont.

This person I was speaking with is like me. Scorned their whole life...put down, and made fun of. Believing what they hear is true. But I dont agree with the things they say. I know them too well to see the things others tried to put on as truth. So what does that make me? The abomination's opinion? Does it have merit? Consider the source.....

People tell Me Im nice...or funny....or handsome (gag) but I take such things with a grain of salt. I know these people, and have spent enough time around them for each to see Me in many ways.

"there is always an element of truth in words"

SOme of what they say must be true. Odds are it is true. So.....logically speaking....My view of this person, must also be true.

You are special.....and worth far more than what has been given to you. You know who you are.

In other news....

Brutus is gaining a fan club. All of them women. I knew he was a pimp....

Is it ok to be jealous of a stuffed puppy dog?

no?

o_o