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8:56 p.m. - 2003-10-18 shit...I can feel the pit of My stomach churning over, reading something I maybe shouldnt have seen. Im concerned. Im jealous. Im confused. Often things bother Me, when I have no idea whats going on. Usually its something taken in the wrong context, or misunderstood. Perhaps I am simply reading into things, but I cant help it. I feel insignificant sometimes, helpless and confused like a small child, and needy for answers, and to be told I am not out of the loop. I can suck sometimes. I bought a new marble notebook today after work. It is for something special. I will call it the 21 day book. The idea came to Me today, while working. To write a letter each day, and when 21 days has passed. Wait till I could deliver it to the little girl up north. *a pained look on His face* Why somethings were never said, or brought up, and I have to see them second hand? It bothers Me, and I cannot help feeling this way. Like I have failed somehow. Yes, I am over critical of Myself..... its not fair....
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