I swear the more I listen to Atreyu the more I can understand the singer. I havent decided if thats a good thing or bad thing yet. Anyway....

I made several call thus far today. One to the credit union, and several to job oppertunities which were left on the answering machine. Of course the first one I called is turning out to be a pyramid scheme. I work for someone, and he works for someone and they all get paid when I sell something. Ive been that way before and I get a knot in My stomach everytime I think about it. Yeah, the possible money is incredible. But....

Do I want to delve into a possibly already saturated market like the last time I invested time and money into trying such a career. Also a very lucrative, and genuine company. (Pre-paid legal). Its a cut throat world. Fighting for money leads to stress, nd dissapointment. Could I succeed? Perhaps. But in this part of My life Ive fought enough with demons without having to create new ones. I will keep an open mind, and open ear and see what happens.

I was reading an article about a diver who dove to a depth of 400' with nothing but a closed circuit rebreather on and the open circuit scuba divers where limited by their gas depletion and decompression. I felt so enthralled by the thought of doing that but upon further research I realized that might never happen. The training required for this feat isnt local. Its not cheap. And its done in a series of stages all requiring money, and time. The icing on this fat free cake was the closed circuit rebreather being used in the article cost a measly $15,000.00 ......

Push Me off a bridge with a bag of rocks and hope for the best. Maybe I can get the bricks on sale....

I keep thinking Im falling off track in search of long shots. Im loosing My edge that I honed for so long. Im getting soft. Some days it requires the subtle act of being scraped across jagged rocks to bring life back into focus.

Why cant I open a dungeon under the oceans surface. People would have to scuba dive to get there. Its private, and the setting is already wet.

My dreams are pulling Me into too many directions. Im wanting too much too soon, and for the wrong reasons. There is no way I can make everything I want work out. The means by which I would have to live would exclude those traits in Myself I find the most sincere. Harbor deep desires within for the sake of the surface and a normal life? Or toss aside the burden of success for something far more important? I cant be a Police officer, AND a true Master. One upholds the law, morales of society and good judgement. A Gorean shouldnt/couldnt do such a thing as his lifestyle would be fake then. A game. For as much as being a fighter, warrior, protector is to Me. I value My indeviduality more. My choices. My dreams. A Divemaster can live another life. A quiet life. But following the path to this life will be difficult. I will have to work to simply learn the skills I will need to use such training as a profession. DIver by day, Master by night. Florida, California, Texas, Lousiana..... full of sin and money. And resorts willing to hire a sturdy lad like Myself. I might even teach My skin to tan. But now Im going too far ahead.....back to the rocks.....