Im always dreaming, sometime, somewhere about diffrent things going on. Some are disturbing, and cause Me stress, others make me smile to no end. Im like the child, with building blocks in a playroom.

I dump out the blocks, diffrent colors, diffrent sizes and smile. I get to play with blocks. She sees Me from across the room and comes over to help build. I smile back. I take a block, position it perfectly, then another, and another. Our little building growing.

She walks away, to talk to some other person, but I keep building, full of goodness.

Its a pathetic thing I do sometimes. Reducing everything to a visual for the sake of making a point to how I feel sometimes, but I know no other way to express Myself. Im the hopeless dreamer. Hopeless romantic deep inside, and the crusader who wants to win, succeed and do the right things.

The building is almost finished now, and the little girl returns smiling. I smile back, and then she knocks it over, walking away. SHould I be bitter? Sad? I see her turn back towards me and smile again, and I forget what happened. Slowly I start to build again. Not the same, but each block finds its place.

I take risks in life, as we all do. Im talking about the ones people dont see. Personal risks. I give up parts of Myself to people around Me. Those I trust. Those I care for. All the muscle, and strength in the world isnt enough for any one person to succeed. To gain any level of satisfaction for themselves. We as people need someone to share this with. So we risk it all, in search for that very comfort, satisfaction, and nirvana we all crave.

The blocks get higher, although it hurt....she did help build it, so it was alright.....she still smiles....and I smile back. Soon she sees Me smiling and returns, places a few last remaining blocks.....and scatters the whole building all over. I see her walk away for the last time, she doesnt smile anymore. In My mind I burn the blocks and walk away, crying.

That was My dream last night. Its something that has played in My head so many times before. The story of My life. I want to believe that dreams can come true. I would die to see those near to Me happy, I really would. But I never tell them. I dont show it. Ive lost alot of that innocence I once had long ago, the desire to fullfill those dreams and make them come true. So instead I take risks. It doesnt seem like a risk the first time, it just feels......perfect, meant to be. We are absolved in the whole mystery of it, the feelings it brings.

Then it is ripped away like skin. It leaves us bare, shaken, in doubt and questioning reality. We try to hide from the truth. Crawl away to seek answers. but we know there are no answers under a rock, or in a hiding place, just reality. Staring us in the face, mocking us to come to terms with the things we feared the most. Scattered blocks....

We try hard. We want to believe things people say. We really do, but past history proves that we have always come up short before, so why bother? Its the payoff. Think back, to the comfort, one-ness, gentle floating and no doubts of when you did believe in dreams. When it was right in front of you looking you in the eyes, shedding tears and making promises. Not everything in this life, needs to be questioned. Some things can be taken at face value, and made true. The trees which I will make My blocks out of have yet to be cut down, and formed. I am forced to wait. I can see the tree. Im anxious beyond words. Everything in Me wants to build, to make it all come together. Perhaps......I will glue the blocks together this time.

It cannot be done alone. Dreams are made true by those who share it its value, its meaning. All the past experiences braces us for a fall, but it doesnt take away the need to try again. Waiting for the dream is the hardest part. As time never seems to pass quickly enough, but bad memories are always in abundance, and trick the mind. Making us doubt things. It is a cruel trick but all too often its the truth some face. From where I sit there is nothing I can do. I am bound by the same rules, the same troubles others are. But Im hopeful. I want to make it all work, the hurt to go awaw. I want it to feel like it did those days ago, when I was right there.....taking the doubts away. And I will. Count on it.