Comments:

Pfirsich - 2005-10-15 00:52:52
I have an idea:you said you were the variable that remained the same. But a variable is a placeholder.It is a symbol for something you don�t know and it can be any number. Right? So,let�s say you are x,a variable(also the word vary means changing!!),so,you are x,so it means you can be any number. You stay x,a thing that changes from example to example. You stay there,but your nature it is to change,to vary. I got to thinking that because of how you put it,you said variable,and not element,for example. So,you are like a chameleon,or like a stealth agent,who always takes on the colour of the wall behind them. Or you are like a chair,and you always take on the colour or personality of the person that sits on it. What do you say to this comparison!! Does it fit? The funny thing here is,the surprising thought is the nature of such a thing. Like,you are changing all the time,so,you know,change is elementary,so,is it like the moon? Can you somehow tell what comes next? You got that,right? You are x,a variable. So,in example number one:1+1=x;here x=2. And in another example:2+2=x;here x=4. See,x is different things all the time. Which would mean you are different things in all your relationships. And if you were always the same,if it all was kind of alike,your experiences,then it means the girls were similar,and that again,my friend,is super ordinary and everyone goes through that because,of course,our soul lives according to pattern formed in our childhood,yadayadayada,and you have to use lots and lots of willpower to make your soul go other ways... But that really happens to everyone. You have a first bad boyfriend or husband,then the second one will kinda look the same. It�s hard to get out of such habits,you know,and think consciously about what experiences you wanna go through and not live just on instict,or,what I mean is:be conscious and not just go with the flow. Right?
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mia - 2005-10-15 10:30:41
ghost, I find too often that ppl that claim to care about us often push us away. Myself, I tell and better still I show the ppl in my life that I care, by calling emailing, telling them etc. Some of them become annoyed not realizing that I do this for a few reasons... 1. you never know when your time with someone is up, 2. I know too well how it feels to be rejected, left to sit home all alone, while all your freinds go out and have a nice fun time. Its always the same "we never meant to exclude you, we just thought you'd assume you were invited." Yah , right ( sarcasm intended) They don't understand how it feels to never fit in to never feel like you belong, that the world has all these square holes and you're a triangle so not matter what you try, you just don't fit. I too dated "clones" for the longest time, then I made a decision to stop putting up with the same shit, and if they seem to much like somone that ended badly in the past, I end it. Im alone right now, the person I love is in Iraq, n we plan to get togther when he returns. But ghost, you are never alone if you truly love yourself. The goddess put you on this earth for a reason. You are a bright ray of hope and light ( yes you =) ) everytime I read your words I end up pondering my life, or I laugh till I cry. You always make this girl smile, I think any woman would be lucky to date you. Now tell yourself that till you belive it.. =) hugs and blessings mia
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Pfirsich - 2005-10-16 13:57:08
Bullshit,you are no triangle! You as square as can be!!!!!!! Seriously,hon,maybe you are too mischevious and the people really didn�t exclude you on purpose. You are so sensitive about his;a lot of people aren�t.They don�t mind coming uninvited,they don�t mind if someone has a problem with them whatsoever,they even like that attention. When I was younger,the guys there never really invited anybody,and anyone could come.Really.Also like bums from the street!!! Yikes!!! So,baby,I think you just don�t put on enough confidence,just try to tell your self that you ARE a valueable person and that the people can be glad to have you!! Cause,they can be!! I think you�re just TOO shy!! My experience is really that the most people don�t care all too much. Well,it�s just my experience.They don�t mind if you come,but they also don�t really care about it if you�re there or not. So,that�s what I do:I don�t wait on an invite,I decide myself if I want to go there. By the way,you�re very precious,I dot want you to meet anybody at all!!!! Hehe,well. I don�t think anyone deserve your company!!!!!!
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Pfirsich - 2005-10-16 14:03:53
Yeah,haha,that really reminds me of how it was for me. In my circles,it was like:it was a DUTY for me to FUCKING show up!!! Like,there�s was almost no excuse for not showing up. Like,I was mocked and stuff,I was so looked down upon if I didn�t show. Like,it was the total duty for me. To attend. Then,being there,of course noone looked at me,talked to me whatsoever. Of course not. They always wanted me there as some attraction point for other cool people to come they could talk to then. I got zero attention,I tell you. Noone like ME,or my subjects of conversation and stuff,I always got to fucking shut up and listen to their weak bullshit,their diahheria,you know. How do you spell that. They didn�t like ME,they didnt want tp spend time with me,but I HAD to be there,otherwise they got super super mad!! It was really so HARD to escape that!! They wanted to meet up ALL the damn time,just every night. They wanted to hang out every night and showed up at my door. Cause,we had a basement to hang out in. Then they ate all our food. Yeah,but they really never talked to me or were interested in me or anything.That WAS a bit mean...
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Pfirsich - 2005-10-16 14:32:21
Oh,hey,but I got another idea for your case:you could just tell your friends that it�s important to you to get an invitation,that you wish to be called that and that often,so that they have the chance to fulfil your wishes. So that they can gain your trust.By fulfilling those things you want. Like calling five times a week,or two times,like,just how you want it. You tell them that that�s what you would wish for,and then they can prove themselves and do it. And like this gain your trust.
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Nicoli Dominn - 2005-10-16 15:19:03
Aww, I like you. ::HUGS:: Yeah, I'm just trying to see if I can up your mood, but I do really like you, too, so there. Unfortunately I don't have much constructive input to give because my brain is a shambles right now, but if I could, I would. Be well. I might also add that the Pfirsich person who keeps making bizarre comments cracks me up...weird.
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