Comments:

mia - 2004-09-13 01:05:56
I had to comment on this entry... Im sorry about your mom, and yes I know how you feel. Every time I try n love somone, it ends badly, they say its not me its them, they cant commit blah fucking blah, but then the next day they are out commiting with other ppl, n being faithful etc... its like I am asking to much to be loved n cared about...they can tolerate me in doses, but not for long, I always fuck up someway somehow. Its like Im some toxic poison they cannot ingest... sighs.. hugs to you, trust me I know too well how you feel.. mia
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Nicoli Dominn - 2004-09-13 11:10:12
You know, people are always able to gave accurate insight to others, but when it comes to themselves, it's just a bit harder. It's difficult to see yourself from a detached point of view. With strangers, it's only a matter of what you see rather than what you think you know. But with yourself and a mirror, you have both, and they conflict each other. When you look in the mirror you see "self," whom you think you know, but you also see "person," who you would be from someone else's point of view but altered by your perception of yourself. Shit, I'm going in circles here. But basically my point is, it's damn hard to judge yourself. Every time you think you know yourself, someone comes around and tells you something new, or they treat you differently than you would expect, and it leaves you confused or angry or in despair because it's not what you wanted or expected. Maybe. I wish I could make you see that you are NOT poisonous, but the problem is, I feel that way about myself, so it's almost being hypocritical. But the sense I've always gotten reading wht you write is that you ARE a good person, with good intentions. You can be very sweet, and very lovable, but you can also have quite a temper and your mood changes rapidly. These are not faults; they just makes things a little more difficult. But it's just you, and the overall picture I see is someone everyone should value as a friend or lover or relative or whatever relation you are to them. You are so much better than you give yourself credit for, and I wish people could see that. They must be shallow NOT to see it. Anyway...I don't know if any of this helped, but I hope it does. And perhaps we could talk more sometime. I'm on AIM occasionally under the name 'muzhta.' If you ever need anything, just ask and I'll try my best to do it for you. ::HUGS::
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Patrick - 2004-09-13 21:45:16
I am STILL baffled at how much you and I are alike. Every time I read this (as I've stated before) you remind me of myself, and things that have happened to me, and things I see, think, interpret, etc. You're not as horrible a person, not fit for living, etc., as you think you are. We all have our problems, and yours are felt by others. It's not just you, and you should feel good about that. I'm also sorry about your mother, and I hope for the best. Good luck, and god speed.
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