Comments:

mia - 2004-08-30 22:33:48
to your ?'s yes I feel ppl run from me, from the person I am. I dont even know who the hell I am anymore, I am that disconncted from myself. I know that sounds sad n sick, but I think everyone Ive ever tried to care about in my life has ran from me. It leaves me feeling alone n like crap. =( I have had so much pushed upon me that I have become disconnected from everything.. n everyone including me.. mia
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Ari - 2004-08-30 23:16:44
Regarding people pushing me out of their lives. No. More of the opposite. I find that I am more than willing to push those away that I feel are unhealthy for me. Especially if I feel the relationship is unhealthty for them also. Second guessing. I've done alot of that in the past. I came to the decision that whatever I decide, was the right decision for that moment. I do my very best not to feel regret, beacuse who knows where the other option would have led me...doesn't really matter. I'm here, now. Change...used to scare the bjezus out of me. I have the tendency to be very Virgoian, I like my set routines...but I'm finding more and more that I'm not satisfied if I don't try new things. Maybe it's beacuse I bore easily. I haven't thought too deeply into that. Do I even know who I am? Sometimes. I was really lost for a while...after my divorce...I couldn't figure out what I was about anymore. And then I realized that I didn't want to worry about it. Everyday who I am changes, and I could probably spend most of the day trying to figure out what was going on in my head. Then the day would be over, just to start the thought process again. Maybe I made some sense here? Thank you for letting me spew all this shit here. =]
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