The phone ringing was the only sound I recalled hearing. The alarm clock was set, I remember setting it. But I saw it was off and I was already over an hour late when he called. No point in rushing, but I cant waste time either. Sometimes I feel guilty, but at the same time I get a warm satisfied feeling too. Like Im out of sync with the world, and I can see things more clearly. No more rat race, no more worrying about the clock, and even though I was late....I felt better about things. I felt like a retiree, waking up for coffee and wondering what to eat for breakfast.

I get a weeks vacation starting Monday. It isnt a real week, its only 5 days. Which breaks down to 5 days of 8 hour pay. Forty hours total. A "week" according to bean counters in Human resources. But five days of not waking up at the crack of night and working till I can not function normally. Staycations are the best kind. I get to feel like an old man again. A dirty old man.

I do in fact think about Rachel alot. The 7 yr friendship we had. But my issues with her ran much deeper then one small argument over a seemingly mundane topic. It got to the point where if I heard the phone ringing, I predicted the caller ID and when I was right I felt my facial expression change. Mainly because with her, you never knew what she was going to say. You didnt know what she was going to do. She was sort of predictable at times. But I could never settle in with her sense of humor when it related to me directly. I dont like feeling pressured, or obligated into doing, or saying things I wasnt sure of. The more it happens, the more distanced I became. The fight was merely a drop off which I had been tip toeing towards for a while now. The fall was inevitable, I just didnt know how bad I would fall. My temper, as people have mentioned.....is a fierce one.

Im chewing on poptarts, and craving a warm beverage. Almost time to leave for the doctor, and I will visit the local store to fill up my 52oz coffee mug, and thermos(for later) and I will be all set for the day.