I tend to ramble about the same shit, different days because I forget, or feel if its important to say, its important enough to repeat.

Most times I forget what I wanted to say, because I had previously orchestrated what I wanted to say in my head while driving around, and over the course of the day, forgot how it was supposed to be written when I sat down at my computer, and finally gave up in frustration not wanting to sound like a moron.

I have been preoccupied with writing my own comedy routine in my head, things I would say. All of them true, cuz I believe some of the finniest things actually happen to people and dont need to be fabricated or embellished in any way. Plus, coupled with my morbid tendencies and facts that I do induce many people to choking on liquids shortly before they launch the rest from their nose.

We were driving to the terminal after finishing our last dropoff for the day...and made a unscheduled turnoff to drive slowly past the local Ferrari dealer. All because someone wanted to see the newest member of the supercar family. The 458 D'Italia. It was red. One would swear it winked at us, like a high priced call girl. Way too fast for me. Way too inviting. Did I mention high priced? Mental masturbation to the rescue!!!!

*ahem*

Moving right along...

I often wondered if I was ever to be pulled over by a police officer, and I kept a dozen doughnuts on hand in the passenger seat....would it make a difference? I could hold the box open when they walked to the window. Watch as their eyes glaze over....and the slowly get a little closer to check out the wares. Would they let me pet them? You know...like at the zoo....

Im so getting tazered it isnt funny.

"Derka Derka"

My driver gave me a menu for a restaurant his wife found. So good was the food it was even featured on a tv show called "Man vs. Food". Ive never seen the show but the place is sorta famous for the quality, low prices and quantity of food served. A 3/4lb burger patty, sandwiched in between two complete texas toast grilled cheese sandwiches. Plus 2 sides for 12 bucks. Daaaaaaaaym.

It is rumored there is a seafood platter, complete with Alaskan King crab legs which is finished in under 60 minutes with the sides it is free. You will find me there several times a week.

Food for thought:

Roughly 40-50% of the world is female. Thats alot of tits. >.>

Most of the rest of the planet is heterosexual men. Statistics tell us that at least 30% or more of those women mentioned earlier are bisexual, or even lesbian. So, its safe to infer that the majority of the planet loves titties.

Im down with that.