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7:03 p.m. - 2009-07-18 A lesson in humility.I had a horrible revelation last night. Ensuring my boss had given me off this Thursday so I could attend a show was a bit of a pain. He is forgetful, and I had to remind him several times. Sometimes it seems most things require an extraordinary amount of effort to get done. So late last night, before going to bed I recheck my event tickets. The show was for Saturday night, not Sunday. OMFG. Don't f*cking tell me I f*cked up the dates. But that's just it, I did. Totally out of character for me as well. I panic, obviously and try to come up with a way to somehow pull off a miracle. It gets more complicated from there. On the drive to work, traffic is light, and Im making good time. Four exits to go and Im home free. Then I see the taillights. Lots and lots of lights. Everything slows to a crawl very quickly. Even the HOV lane is deadlocked. Inching along, for 20 minutes. Forty. An hour and a half now....we inch our way down the highway, no where near the off ramp which Im sure is just as crowded. I place a call to my office to tell them why Im running late, the event a close memory in my head as the time flies by. "fatal accident at exit 61" (which was half a mile from me still) My boss informed me it was OK, and they are holding the routes whose riders haven't arrived yet. Im 2 hours late for work. Not happening. No matter how I look at it, there are too many things working against me, to pull this off in time to make opening. Where is the lesson in all of this? I always believed that if you wanted something bad enough, you fought for it and it will come true. I did until a couple years ago. When I was in high school during my Junior year, I enlisted in the Marines. My years in the weight room, and playing football didnt coincide with the USMC's ideal vision of what a recruit should weigh. I was grossly overweight (according to their charts) although heavily muscled. It took many months of dieting and work to get light enough to enter the armed forces. Oct, 2004. I apply to go to Dive School out of state. Months of red tape, people backing out of cosigning my student loans, medical red tape with my physicals. It never seemed to end, something was desperately trying to halt my progress, but I wanted this badly. SO I pushed on. May, 2007. I am Diagnosed with Lung Disease. All my effort was for nothing, My loans will never be paid off as fast as I had intended. All the things I fought for, worked against me. Just a few of many instances where my instincts told me stop, before I get in too deep. I chose to ignore those signs and continue on, only to find I was hardly prepared, or unsuited for what was going to happen. This followed through on almost all my relationships as well. I was the one making the sacrifices, over distance, time and trying to make it work. It always backfired on me. So what do I take away from this failure? It was my fault, for not picking the right day, but Ive never made that mistake before. WHy now? WHy the accident on the highway slowing me down more? Why was I switched to a longer route that day? Why, why, why. I get the hint. I concede defeat. Too many times, Ive tried to make things work, despite hugely overwhelming odds. It only led me to failure, after the fact. Hindsight they say is 20/20. But when life continues to beat you in the head with hints to "stop". You should listen. Someone, or something is trying to look out for you. I miss out on a show. The band might not ever come back to NY for many years. But I look at it this way. Im not the one who died on the highway this morning. Im going to play music loudly, sing at the top of my lungs, like I would of at the show, and in my underwear. WHich Im sure wouldnt have gone well, at the show. And plan for the next thing I will try and do. Pick your battles.
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