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8:34 p.m. - 2009-01-28

"If I want to be there for you always"

"If I want to be able to wake up to you texting my cell To see you put letters together to make a face"

"If I want to be able to tell Mahri I love her everyday And I fear leaving her alone"

"Then why can I not bring myself to fight?"

First and foremost, you have to want to be there. Being there for someone, willingly doesnt have to have an expiration. You could live a thousand lifetimes, and still be there for someone and it counts just as much living for 2 days, and never leaving someones side, because being there, makes you happy. And the person you are spending the time with appreciates just as much. There shouldnt be a time limit for spending quality time. Its about quality, not quantity. Unless of course its alot of quality, then that trumps all.

The word love sometimes loses its meaning when its used too much, and too often. Although there are extenuating circumstances where that isnt the case the word itself can lose alot hen its abused to the point of being a hollow sentiment. Saying it, and proving are both important, because its the act of loving which gives the word its power. Its all encompassing ability to make things bearable.

Loving someone more than yourself, is not an uncommon theme. it happens everyday, everywhere. Where heros sacrifice themselves to save a comrade, a firefighter dives into the burning building to save a child, a stranger he doesnt know. Is it a love of the person, or a love of life which allows those people to act instantly when it will have the most impact, the most reasoning. Sacrificing yourself, to prove you love someone when there is no dire need is just a token act, and its used as an escape from something else.

Either we leave someone by choice, or by circumstance we dont always do so willingly. Or at a time we feel is appropriate, like unfinished business at the end of a long journey. You can love someone, even if you have to leave them. But you dont always have to leave them, because you love them, like cutting off an arm to save a greater piece. Sacrificing your own wants and desires as a means to an end and letting it go with a explanation which brings little comfort is as I have said before, selfish. Eventually we all leave. If its in your power to stay, and you truly feel strongly about being physically there to comfort a person, it must take effort and a willingness to do things which we might be afraid of. Like a parent braving a hurricane, to find a lost child. They will wander without aid, but who will go to them,if not the parent? You have put yourself in the place of a caregiver. Wanting to be there. If you dont make the effort to be there, you are breaking a promise you made with your own heart.

Anything worth having, requires effort. Big house. Nice car. Lots of money. Beautiful wife, handsome husband, wonderful kids, obedient dog...etc...

A strong body requires exercise, to bring everything into focus.

A strong mind requires study, and learning.

Happiness doesnt fall off a tree. it is there by chance, and sometimes we fail to see it because we can only see the misery.... what we fear, and overlook whats more important.

Luci fought for a child, and her husband. To leave something behind, of herself for people to remember her. That was her passing legacy. it was a promise she kept to herself, and me.

There is so much more to it, then simply giving up. There is more truth there which hasnt been said. It isnt a lie, if you dont say anything. The truth is there, but its hidden from view. Fear? Regret? Loss? No hope for a future? No love....

I dont have the answer. But you cant keep any of those promises you made, if you arent willing to make them happen. You get what you give. If you cant trust those you love, to comfort you, and give you support in the hardest time of your life.....

who can you trust? How do you make people happy, by quitting.....

It isnt a debate.

We all must someday, end our journey.

The when doesnt have to be today, or tomorrow. It will come. How you live, and why is more important then when the end comes.

if you are still looking for a why, look in the mirror, and for once, see what those around you see. Because if they are willing to die for you, that has to mean something too.

For the record, Im at a loss for words. It was hard to write this. Im sorry.

G

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