I helped track down and snag a guy stealing about 8 large grocery bags full of goods from a grocery store on my route yesterday. He made repeated trips stuffing his brown suede jacket and returning from his red suv eating parts of it only to leave with more. Screwball.

I heard a disturbing joke last night too.

Whats the best thing about twenty-one year olds?

"There are 20 of them"

Ewww.

Just got off the phone with someone who hasnt uttered a word in (we agreed) 15 months. Apparently the best part of their existance is their dog. Must be some dog.

My fingers are cold. Always are as the sun goes down and temps drop. We are averaging between 15 to 29 degrees F. This in turn makes the house a cozy 50-55 degrees. Understand that is not a comfy temp and I was being a sarcastic prick. But better than below freezing.

Life still isnt too productive, and I cant believe almost half of Jan is over already. Wtf? We just had a year fly by as it is.

Mom is staying at my sisters house for the weekend. Helping out my sister cuz she is due soon, next month sometime. and she is getting real big in the middle. Its going to be a girl....

She is upset because like her first child, she caught a mild case of gestational diabetes. But this time she needs to inject herself with insulin, and she is scared. But also hates needles. I know how she feels. I get them all the time too.

Work is fucked up. Our "union" is as effective as a flaccid cock at a sorority house overnight slumber party. SOme members of our workplace voted out the old union, and brought in a new one which made things worse and now we are scrambling for benifits, and too keep our jobs. Not to mention we lost our last raise to no contract, and they are looking to cut jobs at our terminal. Its a dead end job, but I cant afford to lose it.

Life goes on without me, outside these walls I call home. People enjoying life, doing things with family, friends.....

Its bittersweet to live vicariously through the lives of others. A constant reminder of how fucking useless I am. Well not useless, but unsuccessful I have been. Nothing to show for my soon to be 34 yr old ass. In my defense Ive had some really shitty luck the last 10 years...but Im still alive, and I should be more grateful then I am.

As fast as time passes, I cant go in reverse fast enough to comensate for all the things I want to do, and will be unable to do. I have no balls when it comes to asking people I like.....nvm.

I have noticed Im more cynical lately, more outwardly verbal when Im in a bad mood. Either its old age setting in early or Im just now taking it in that I will never get where I want to be and Im going to just take it out on everyone else.

Even if it kills them.

Sometimes its better not knowing, so the fantasy in your head has a chance to live longer, and your nerves dont cry out in agony.

I will end with this snippet of something which took place today while working...

The office is small, and there were three girls who supervise the staff of this major electronics store chain talking amongst themselves about one girls mood ring. I know what they were, but still made conversation by asking what the colors meant. They made me hold the ring, which was way too small to wear even on my smallest finger so I clasped it in my large hand and waited the 15 seconds.

They all looked as I opened my fingers and it had turned a bright green color.

"wtf does green mean?" I asked.

"it means you are excited" they said......not a half second went by and I replied quickly and with a smile....

"Of course Im excited, Im in a room with three girls, why wouldnt I be!"