Ive not written in forever mainly because its alot of the same old shit. Boring shit which need not be repeated more than a dozen times.

I stormed out of my sisters house, extremely pissed off. More on that later.

On the way home I came close to murdering several people for driving like complete morons. Morons of the highest caliber..... like turning into my lane...while Im still there. I was literally smashing my steering wheel to hit the horn as forcefully as possible. No doubt a side effect of the episode which took place earlier before I got behind the wheel.

I dont recall ever being so angry while driving.

My partner at work has been having alot of family issues. His wifes kids (stepsons) are real pieces of work. Train wrecks in their own right, without any help from outside influences they give him and her more stress than any mortal should have to deal with. The eldest, had a baby with his on and off girlfriend a few months ago and everything was going great. Until two days ago. Lets just say it involved CPS and the police. He is a very emotionally charged person and when he is upset, everyone around him takes the brunt of his anger. And since its just me and him on the truck..... three guess who has taken his shit the past week.

I started to diet again. For real, and not just curbing munchies, or drinking diet drinks. Low cal shakes and (a big no no for me) diet suppliments. Im eating low fat, high fiber. Low carb and my protiens in moderation. Its only day three. Despite my ongoing depression and love affair for high calorie foods... Im making a serious attempt.

Anger.

Its an ugly word. And I know I partially wrong for how I acted. But at that moment I snapped I didnt care. All that went through my head was defensive selfishness. But I hate being cornered by accusations. I fucking hate it. My youngest sister, Eileen was pushing my buttons. Both my sisters and mom are experts by pure design at pushing buttons.

I went to my sisters house after my treatment with the exclusive premise of visiting my nephew. Upon arriving my bro in law was playing a online game in the dark and my younger sis was asleep on the couch. Aiden was napping and my other sis was asleep in the bedroom. Eventually my parents came, everyone woke up and we had a dinner session. 3 or four hours passed as I was playing with Aiden, him crawling on me, playing cars. It was after dinner when I was asked by everyone there what "I" meaning "me" wanted to watch. Choices were offered and I picked one.

As innocent as it sounds when I start to watch a movie from the beginning I have to finish it. Leaving a story untold or only partially explored bothers me. So my younger sister began playing with Aiden as I watched the movie.

Partway through I had trouble hearing the movie, which Ive never seen and I was getting agitated. I moved closer to the screen in a folding chair. Not one minute after my younger sister said something along the lines of ....

"I thought you came to visit your nephew...not watch a movie..."

That was it...

I have a easy solution....I will leave, I told her.

"thats a good idea" was her reply....

Fuck no...

I stood up, grabbed my shit in second she was saying she was only being sarcastic. Too fucking late.....I was beyond pissed. Joking with me is one thing. Accusing me of taking a movie over my nephew was too much. The final straw was her saying it would be good if I left. If I didnt leave I felt my next move would have been voilent. Leaving was the best thing I could have done.

She is unable to keep her fucking mouth shut. Like my mother and other sister, they just dont know when to stop berating me when they dont agree with anything Ive done. And people wonder why men hit women. We can only take so much shit before we explode.

So the drive home was not good. Still reeling with anger, driving was prolly a bad idea in hindsight so soon after what took place.

Many people would think I took it too seriuously, that I overeacted.

I dont care.

Ive been through too much this past year to take anyone elses shit. My emotions are more erratic, and I dont know if its old age, or I just dont give a shit anymore what anyone has to say or think about me. Little from column A, some from column B. Who the fuck knows.

All I know is my parents havent gotten here yet and Im in no mood to explain myself. If mom tries she might cry. If dad does...who knows. I jusr want it all to go away.