Today sucked. Driving rain, high winds and saturated clothing filled my work day. Im extremely tired and worn out.

My tax return is bogger than I anticipated. This poses new oppertunities and I should try to clarify what goes through my head lately when money is concerned. What I should use it for, and what I want to use it for. Meaning I am horrible when it comes to budgeting because there is soo much I need to accomplish, sorting out what to do makes my head hurt. But here are my options anyway.

Fix my car. Easier said than done. The money I get will be just enough to get the front end taken care of properly and thats it. I still have engine trouble, brakes need to be worked on, and other things which will cost alot more than what Im getting.

Body Armor. Its been 2 and a half years since I started working for my company delivering money, and despite promises repeatedly to "hook me up" Ive yet to see any sort of protection for myself and others. Any armor I have sen being used was substandard, old and rediculously claimed as great by my superiors. I risk life and limb everyday. I deserve the best. Im willing to pay for it. The armor I "need/want" will cost about $1500-2000. Cheaper than a hospital stay, and far cheaper than a funeral. Can be written off for my taxes next year.

Downpayment on a new car/truck/suv. Or a payment for a used jalopy to get me from point A to B long enough to get a proper vehicle.

I am certain however I want to use at least half of it to pay for my first few months rent when I go back to the gulf of mexico. Avoid staying with family who wanted me out and saving face which is a precious commodity. Not to be a burden to anyone. Working steady down there, even if its just in the "shop" working on dive gear will keep me financially "ok". But going down there broke again is so not good. I need to put aside a few bucks to keep my ass from sleeping in my car like I did last time. Its shameful, and embarrassing.

And I still need to get heat for the house, meaning a fuel delevery. These 40-50 degree living conditions are not good for our health.

SO this is what Ive decided.

Buy fuel. Save about half for rent down in Louisiana. Buy body armor. The latter two might be tax writeoffs so they make sense to me. Living expenses and work related expenses can save me later.

In other news....

I spent $100 (non refundable) application fee for the local civil service exam for the Suffolk Police dept. A long shot. In my case a real long shot as my future, and health are always in question. The test isnt until July 6th. I will be in the gulf then. I will need to take a week off and make my way north just to take the test. Paying to get back here, another $600 or more to make the trip, money I havent got yet, and I dont know what will be when I go back south. All this effort for a chance to do what??? I shouldnt feel regret for the cost, knowing regretting not trying would be worse. My biggest concern is my health. Im scared, to be honest.

And Im wondering what the requirement is, genetically for Me to claim native american status. I know part of my linage was Cherokee Indian. WHy I am even thinking about it I dont know but I feel its important.

In Second Life, I created a group all for myself. Give three guesses what its called.

"Ghost's Legion".