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6:22 a.m. - 2007-03-21

This week has been so not good. My mentality has been so not good. Emotionally Im on the edge and I dont like it.

Simply put I let myself get hurt. I was asking for it this time. A friend who I thought cared is one of the most emotionally selfish people Ive ever known and they have shut me off like a light switch.

I thought they cared. I thought they understood. I was wrong. You twisted my words around. Made them sound like what you wanted to hear so you wouldnt feel guilty anymore.

You just think Im too blind to see things as they are. You whisper behind my back and think I dont know whats going on.

You are dead wrong. I predicted this happening. I saw it coming and yet I let myself believe you were diffrent, and I let you in. So few are those I call friend, so few get as close as you have and betray me as you have. It makes my skihn crawl just thinking about it. I couldnt even sleep this week without shit jumping in my head. There is no consoling me now. All thats left is for you to sever me altogether from contact and it will be complete.

An emotional leech.

You sucked my kindness from me. My generosity. My compassion. I let you see me for who I was, and now you are punishing me for it. I cant believe how selfish you are. Its almost beyond comprehension.

Everything you have told me, is becoming a lie. Why is tha6t always the case? WHen people grow distant, either by choice or by a one sided coup truth becomes lie. WHen promises are broken, and words cut into flesh like razors, someone tell me why.

I would die for my friends. Dying for you is suicide.

Do I stick around you just to go through the motions, or do I once again like last night give you that emotional and alternative escape door from which you are digging away anyway?

"say the word and I wont speak to you again" got twisted into "ok ghost, whatever you want. Guess ttyl then"

I give you the escape you are looking for and you stab it into my chest. Friends dont treat each other this way. Only weeks ago you commended me for sticking by you, depsite your attacks and now you welcome any oppertunity to rip me down. In my world this makes no sense.

Is compassion a weakness I have let stay within me for too long? It is always my lack of action, my lack of arguement which leads me to believe I am seen as a weak person. For not attacking those I care for even when face to face with a conflict. You said you were purposely pushing my buttons to get me to do something. WHat could you possibly have wanted from trying to make me angry? What good, other than the escape route were you after?

It makes no sense, and all that remains is a bitterness I could have done without.

Again, Im grasping for answers and only find more questions.

3 people who actually read this crap

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