Two weeks with no entry. I have sallowed, and procrastinated on my own journal. Of course the diary is the least of my personal habits to suffer. Much of which spawns from the boredom, and lack of direction I am sitting around contemplating ATM.

I found out the new company I am trying to work for left a message on my cell phone instead of calling my damn home number where I have been for the last 3 or 4 weeks. I couldve sworn I listed it as the primary number. Ive called them back and no word.

like miss hadassah, I am finding myself with no money, and bills are overdue. Ive not worked in nearly 2 months. Even if they hire me tomorrow I wont see a pay day for 2 weeks after that. And Im 2 months overdue on everything. DO the math.

When life hands you lemons, making lemonade is a waste. When you could always rub the juice in the eyes of the guy who stole your parking space when it was clearly yours.

When all I do is sit here and waste away , what could I possibly write about?

But I found a recurring theme I did manage to overlook. Quite possibly touched upon but now delved into entirely. A expansive far reaching topic of epic proportions....and easily described in one word. Perception.

Somewhat like assumption, where you think you arent guessing but drawing on some hidden fucking power you think you and you alone possess and are using said power to delve into the mysterious and arcane. Like what was that woman thinking trying to fit into those pants.

perception: noun
1. the act or faculty of apprehending by means of the senses or of the mind; cognition; understanding.
2. immediate or intuitive recognition or appreciation, as of moral, psychological, or aesthetic qualities; insight; intuition; discernment: an artist of rare perception.
3. the result or product of perceiving, as distinguished from the act of perceiving; percept.
4. Psychology. a single unified awareness derived from sensory processes while a stimulus is present.

Yes, mystical. You voodoo witchdoctor. Stop the damn incantations trying to make your breasts larger/smaller then they were intended to be especially if you are a man. Thats just weird.

WHere am I going with this? No, wait for it. More education coming first...

assumption: noun
1. something taken for granted; a supposition: a correct assumption.
2. the act of taking for granted or supposing.
3. the act of taking to or upon oneself.
4. the act of taking possession of something: the assumption of power.
5. arrogance; presumption.
6. the taking over of another's debts or obligations.

(notice presumption in there)

presumption: (another fucking noun)
1. the act of presuming.
2. assumption of something as true.
3. belief on reasonable grounds or probable evidence.
4. something that is presumed; an assumption.

Ok, what does this all mean, why dont I just get to the damn point. This is foreshadowing. Build the suspense a little.

I cant say how many times myself or others have gotten themselves into a bind all because they thought they knew the truth about something. We've all done it. Guessed the all powerful guess only to put our foot in our mouth at a later date. Regret saying something we said all because we took something for granted. Perception as fancy a word as it is is still a guess. Wether its backed by experience it should'nt be relied upon for definitive analysis. I am sure wars, divorces and politics could fare better if people with a little more patience took the helm and read between the lines a little better.

So what does it haver to do with me? Yes, I know I dont rave just for the betterment of society out of selfless tribute. There is a moral to this story after all. A finish to the rambling.

I assume too much when Im depressed. Its that simple. When things are going there best we look for reasons for what we perceive to be the truth. Oh that has to be the reason they didnt call me. Although I do believe in extenuating circumstances, the only level of optimism I allow myself openly there is always something wrong or twisted with the reasoning we give in to when we think we are on the losing end. Isnt there? Maybe its just mental preperation. Feeling the hurt and acting upon it.

We arent perfect. Neither is life. As much as we would like to have a how to guide for living there will never be one. We could try and glean a little knowledge from our forefathers. But also remember they were the ones who gave us global warming.