I confirmed the loss of two people I thought were friends. A heartfelt letter went unanswered, and I was "blocked" all because I did as I was aksed to do by both of them. No good deed goes unpunished.

My father is fighting yet another leg infection. His diabetes progressing and he is now on insulin.

My brother, who is 10 months my senior has also too been diagnosed with diabetes. The "lumps" found in his liver recently are driving me up the wall. They dont know what they are, or why they are there. His who diagnosis is a medical mystery and I dont want my brother to die.

A call from my father today confirmed the above statements, and that my cousin and her husband whom I have been staying are showing signs my welcome has run its course. They are just too kind to say so.

That breaks my heart to no end. To feel like a burden to family. It fucking sucks. They couldnt even tell me to my face. They had to tell my parents, despite me asking them face to face if I have been a bother. It hurts.

After being out of work for over a month, My dry spell has ended and I was called into work tonight. 3-4 hour drive if the car behaves itself. I was told they will keep me as long as I like. I will be spending the holidays, and some more time on a boat. No family. No friends. I lost my friends. Ive dissapointed my family. To me it doesnt get much worse than this. And I am full of nothing but bitterness.

happy holidays. I dont know when I will return. Such is life.

I love you all.