Not because the house was cold. Not because the blankets were too thin. I had been achy the night before, and it sort of gave me a foresadowing of what was to come. Ive nver been that shaky in my entire life. No fever, but I felt awful and I was shaking so bad I was out of breath from the effort my body was putting out. If this is what it feesl like to get old and feeble...I can see why people want to die.

Been out of work for just under a month. Money is gone, leg still hurts some and the car is as reliable as when I had to limp it over here.

I guess sitting at the computer at 4am in the morning, doing nothing productive during the day counts for nothing. My excuse in my head has been "you have a good job" but thats been my MO in any job Ive had. Given the choice I would rather sit unto my own devices and left alone in a world of fantasy. Real life can suck more when you actually pay attention to it.

Renewed my Alt.com membership. Dunno why, excpet it lets me look at compromising pictures of naked girls. And by compromising I mean tied and gagged. Those are the tame ones.

Part of me believes life will be te times more boring now in this new job then my prior employment. The old company I just left was sold to another company. I have been told I need to reapply to work there. More than likely my state registration needs to be renewed and my pistol requal overdue. Im sure that also means the police dept will crawl up my ass for not coming to them sooner. Almost makes it not worth going back even for part time. The aggrevation level is too much to contend with.

But despite my new found occupational adventures Ive yet to experience any semblance of contentment from any of it. It just doesnt feel complete. Thats a big stretch trying to assume nothing good has come but I mean there is no good feelings yet. And when they do appear it is brief and fleeting. Unsatisfying. Like masterbating when you dont feel like it to make yourself feel better and even your dick frowns up at you. Yeah, like that.

Ive eaten way too much trail mix. Ever try and flush gravel down the toilet?

The holiday is gunna suck, even if Im shipped out in the middle of nowhere. With all the importance put on this time of year, its still dissapointing to be "left out". And I know Im not alone. Hard to be picked last for kickball with so many of us standing around....