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1:17 p.m. - 2006-09-25

I knew I was right on several counts...

She wasnt going to the doctor. Somehow I knew she wouldnt be. She was the girl you needed to guide or she would float away like a butterfly trying to land on the next bright flower.

Ive watched Big Fish. In fact I own the movie. No matter how big the tale told, there is always an element of truth in them. Simple common sense.

I was also correct on how you, her husband would take her passing. There was an instance where a ex of mine had been savagely attacked and left for dead by two men. Deep in my mind I thought if I had been there/done something it never would have happened. That my friend, is the most painful form of regret. Luci would be mad at both of us for thinking that way too. Having you, and your son was what Luci wanted most I think. Something to leave behind for dad, you and her brother. Maybe she knew even if she went to the doctor, it was only preventing the inevitable. Maybe in our own selfishness we didnt consider the pain she was in. That maybe she only stuck around long enough to finish that last task. Giving life from what was supposed to be certain death.

That is powerful. A sacrifice few could duplicate.

Sad as I am, I am also happy for knowing her. For being able to share with what she gave me, and you. In a way, I also feel guilty. What would make someone name their only child for a man they never met? I also wonder what her father thinks....and her brother. Her family.

I need to visit. To say goodbye, to say hello. To leave something of myself behind so that maybe in my own thinking I can get more of her for myself. Memories to keep me company when Im 200 feet beneath the waves.

Part of that plan came to me in a dream I had. I want Andrew to tattoo me. Having the best endorsement any artist could ever have, his daughter. I would put two weeks aside for it, as I have big plans, and I will bring plenty of money to do it. It will be full curcle. I marked her life, she will mark mine through her fathers hand.

And of course I want to meet you, and your son. Johnny, and Joe.

I hope Im not a dissapointment to any of you. Having been given a gift such as that.

Thank you Trent, for being strong. Even though that family you are part of is heavy on the testosterone, I know Luci more than made up for it.

Best Regards.

Ghost

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