Last night I stayed after school for almost three hours. The primary reason for this was extra help with my upcoming final only weeks away I wanted tutoring on the hardest subjects, like Dive medicine. This diver needs this much oxygen for this long when diving in the chamber for this length of time, except when he missed decompression and needs this much oxygen this many more times and lets not forget the tender stuck in the chamber with him. Got that? Thats why I needed tutoring.

Only and hour or so was actually spent discussing medicine. All the rest of that time was spent with me venting to an instructor I truley didnt know that well anyway but the words came out. Me in my own little way trying to explain why I am so hard on myself despite the 94 average. I brought up my homelessness, that hateful man in 3rd grade and I could see it in his eyes he understood. I made more sense to him now he admitted.

Those hours were spent with me explaining why I feared failure, despite a seemingly weighty grade to back me up. It didnt matter how high my grades are. I want to do better. Because letting myself down is worse than failing a test even if I tried.

Today we continued ROV training, and some unlucky fools were attempting to disassemble/reassemble a double flange project. remember the single one I "loved" so much? Double that, and put it on the bottom in the mud.

Where I am actually going with this is I was volunteered to go because people didnt want to do it. Most who try failed to complete the project altogether let alone in the 45 minute time limit.

The water at the 30ft deep mark dropped about 20 degrees. I say no more than 40-45 tops. Frigid. I could barely feel my fingers halfway through it, and visability was measured in inches when the mud cleared temporarily. otherwise it appeared to be nighttime. My actual first words over the radio were "you're friggin kidding me right? I cant see a damn thing"

Time starts when you reach the project. I didnt start with the bolts for five minutes till I could get my bearings and feel the bolts in the flange. I stayed the course and completed the project in 56 minutes.

At least I completed it. Even if they deduct points for the extra time, I completed it. Which was a small comfort. But it was still frigid. The hardest part is not losing bolts and all the damn tightening. (lose bolts are points taken off) I had three lose bolts. Still, not bad for doing the project in the dark and on a sloped bottom.

All I know is I have a test tomorrow, which I have to study for. A italian hero I just bought sitting in my car waiting to be eaten and turkey boy is still staring at cock two screens over.

At least there is one constant in the universe. And for the record THIS is turkey boy.