I am going to take one of my tshirts, cut a thatch of material out of it and mail it to her. Then take a picture of me wearing the shirt with the heart shape cut out.

There was something odd which happened on Friday night but I neglected to mention it as I had other more pressing matters on my mind. It was around 9:30pm or so. I had been asleep since 6:30 with a 4am wakeup call programmed into the alarm clock. I distinctly hear a girls voice whispering a nickname my class gave me.

"Lunch...box...."

(so named because on the first day of classes I ate two sandwiches instead of one. Whatever)

Now that I was awake, it was a most surreal event because of who said it and what followed thereafter.

"who is it?" I said.

Then she said something she shouldnt of, but I didnt capitalize on.

"who would you like it to be?"

You....have....no.......idea....

She quickly told me who she was, and that she meant no harm. But the whole silliness of the moment prevented me from getting angry. You see none of the girls from school have ever said hello to me let alone called me a nickname, while I was asleep in my boxers.

Today she approached me about the whole thing and said she was about to pounce on me, but thought she didnt want to take her life in her hands. And that I should have gone out drinking with everyone that night. She felt bad when I told her I couldnt get back to sleep until 2:30am, and was a zombie.

But it was still silly after all.

Still no word from her. I feel like shit.

It is only the momentary distractions which keep my stomach from threatening to collapse on itself.

A point was made last night as I spoke to witchy about a few things....

Few people bother to take notice that I am far from being stupid and I actually know whats going on despite the fact they believe I dont. My habit of asking redundant questions, or saying obvious things which occur to be odd behavior. My arguement to this is what I find obvious isnt always obvious or apparent to others. Such is My nature.

Unfinished business with the girl I hurt is making simple tasks difficult. Time is ticking by and my head believes she hates me eternally. Its like worrying something will go wrong if you arent actively doing something about it.

Why is it I can explain the nature of the world to some people, but I cant do that when I am with her.

Today was about 110 degrees. In the shade. Without humidity facotored in was still over a hundred. Sitting in the open sun with a dry suit on made of neoprene is enough to test any metabolism. I tried everything I could not to pass out, to include shoving a air hose in My collar to force air into my suit and have it exit an arm hole. SOrt of like low tech AC. Then I had to stick the 40lb helmet on. Not the typical ones we use, this is just a metal bucket with a window, and a free flow valve. Loud, loose fitting and cumbersome. The I got to dive 50ft down and try to lift a 14ft long vacuum pipe which weighs.....oh.....350lbs. I fought my helmet, and the pipe. I lasted 15 minutes before I fucking threw in the towel. The hardest 100% score I ever had to get. And it sucked.

Covered in mud, tired and gasping for air is no way to end a dive. Yesterday the class big mouth freaked out in the same gear under the same conditions. He also said he was scared shitless and thought he would die. I was his tender, and it was gratifying to see some hubris injected into his ass.

Rough work. Im certainly in for it.

(takes a peek at what the big fat guy next to him was looking at, and turns away quickly)

He is looking for naked guy picks. I saw sausage on his screen.

(attempts to hide a scream, succeeds)

Now that I hear his labored breathing from his fatness I need to gag. He has the shape of a thanksgiving turkey.

I shouldnt be shocked by this. I mean, diffrent strokes for diffrent folks. But I had the unrealistic idea all gay men were rippled steel, and good looks. Once again I was reminded how silly and foolish I am for thinking otherwise.