Some people claim to have a bullshit detector. I on the other hand also have an early warning system.

Sitting next to a certain classmate today I felt the sudden urge to reach across and just break his neck. Do the world a favor and just get rid of him. While talking to our instructor about how he found "the one" (his wife) and how he doesnt deserve her, he makes a mention of one of the new girls in school and how he told her to "panic" when she is underwater and wearing a easy-to-get-out-of wetsuit and he will be the rescue diver and he will introduce her to the opposite of the mile high club.

He is a scumbag.

Everyone else in my class has finally come to the same conclusion that he is a selfish asshole. I knew this from the get go. It took them months to realize the same thing. Side note, I almost forgot dipshit made the point that he cant figure out why I always state the obvious to people, or ask redundant questions. Meaning I already know the answer before I ask.

It has been my experience that what I find to be obvious, or common sense is not what others would think. it only occurs to them later on that I was right after all. Maybe they are just oblivious to the world around them, or my favorite excuse they just dont give a shit.

So yes, today I was in a sour state of mind. The "clickish" mindset of the school still gets to me, moreso today. It doesnt surprize me that not one of the 4-5 female students has yet to say hello to me in passing. Yet they know everyone else by name. Or how each class just seems to know one another. or how they spent last weekend at each others house. Diffrent classes, diffrent people, same mindset. Once again I find I am outside the social circle looking in. Once again seeing what I find to be obvious, but somehow everyone misses. Odd...

My funk was burned away after I sent a text message to someone and they surprized me by calling. How often its the little things which perk me up.

Short conversation. Small talk. But for that moment someone else in the world wanted to talk to me. That means alot to someone who doesnt get the interaction other people take for granted. Its no wonder all these years I was so emotionally distant, or detached from everything else. No one made the attempt to include me. I have no red glowing nose. But you would think I did.

So it is a rare breed which goes out of their way to bring me some cheer, in any form to make me smile. Sometimes, just sometimes something clicks and makes sense, and Im ok again.

Maybe this is stating the obvious again but I dont see myself as anti-social. I try to include myself, unobtrusively into conversations but usually the subject changes and I am passively pushed out of the conversation. Am I some kind of threat? Am I uncool? Yes most of the people here are the type who would have picked on me in school. Yes they have habits and manners I find totally obnoxious. But they are infinately happier than I am. They feel like they belong. So one is hard pressed to decide if Im the one who is wrong after all.

Being like minded to me is like peer pressure. If you dont follow the croud, you are wierd. So should I be insulted when I am called wierd for not being like everyone else?

These are the thoughts which rot my brain.

Somedays, all I need is a hug and company. To feel like I belong. I get so few of either.

I cannot help but ponder that old question "why do I feel so lonely?" when I know if I knew the answer to the question, I wouldnt be so alone.

Latest fortune cookie fortune:
"You are the master of every situation."