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4:51 p.m. - 2006-05-10

I hate this going to the library to write nonsense.

I aced My physics test. Diving charts is proving to me much more difficult. As the little stupid mistakes can cause alot of proplems in computations. Basic shit, and Im screwing it up.

I worked in Atlantic city this weekend. My first time there, and it was sort of a dissapointment. It didnt seem as grand as it does on tv. Surrounded by ghetto, and poor people. If you arent staring at the sand on the beach, you see the swamps bhind all the casinos and it looks desolate.

I hate New Jersey road rules. You must make a right to make a left. You suck NJ.

Ive found all the stores I needed to on brave excursions around the state, and I bought a cheapo dvd/vcr/home theatre arrangement for the room. I can actually change the channel now and it sounds good too.

I miss reading diaries. I miss chatting to people. There are too many drunk, brazen types in this school and it makes me feel uneasy around them. Their needs and wants are so diffrent from mine. Yeah, we want the big money, but they want only the money without the work ethic. One of my roomates was so drunk last night he didnt know how he got home. He is a 37 year old father of four. Married and cheating on his wife with girls he meets at work.

Happy Bday Annabelle.

Its been almost two weeks. Its going to be a long 5 months. They say we start getting wet in a few more weeks. It really is alot of work.

My usual observations of humanity, and why they need to be shot have been diminishing. Im too wound up in my own little world presently. I "could" stress the lack of morals with the group Im in. Or the complete lack of tact when they speak about everything as if it related to a frat party. Am I that uncool that I cant relax and be lax like them? Not that I would lower My standards so far but still, it makes me feel like an outcast.

Premature worry as to what I will do, or where I will go after school. I am being pulled in three directions. The first is to go back to NY and work close to My family. To support them. Second is the west coast, for reasons Id not discuss because it brings up alot of confusion. Third is where I can make the most impact, and progress My new career. All three have merit, and maybe I can combine two of them, but not all three. 2 out of 3 in either direction isnt bad, but I dont like leaving loose ends.

I hate sounding depressed, but I do miss people. Feeling connected. With family, and friends. Without it I feel naked in a way.

But I know Im doing what I feel is right. Despite the lack of confidence in my body. (there are some unresolved health issues I am unsure of) And I dont mean the belly I hide under a shirt. Some things which are more sinister and have me second guessing this move.

I am living on PB&J. And Sprite Zero.

7 people who actually read this crap

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