The ammo lacked muzzle flash, and no recoil. Whats the point?

Mom is doing well, or as well as we can expect. Dad admitted today due to stress he hadnt been taking any of his medication for a month. If you knew how many precriptions My father has you would understand that could possibly kill him. He has shelves loaded with various bottles and he has a fruit coctail of pills he is supposed to take everyday. Mom was usually the one who reminded him. He really falls apart when she isnt here.

Ive been really tired lately. Even after sleeping 12 hours I feel fatigued. As today was payday, I didnt get up until 12pm to get My check. I ate lunch and went to the range. Nothing got accomplished. This includes laundry.

I found something on the internet which has held My imagination prisoner the last few days. I cant escape the power of the possibility of such a object existing, and I cant have one.

US Submarines or For more detail go here

I found it by accident, by merely entering a search in a webpage. I blame my watching the "Hunt for Red October" for this. Ive always been intrigued by ocean exploration. Its a reason Im a diver. Also the reason I want to persue a diving career. But this thing, this object of desire is highly priced so far out of reach I can only look at the pictures and wonder what it might have been like to have one. At $80 million starting price, that quickly escalates when you consider insurance costs, operationg costs, maintenance, and the list goes on. But just imagine it....

213' long. Over 20' wide and capable of crossing the atlantic. You could literally "park" this thing on a coral reef, or a wreck 1000' down and spend a month there. Did I mention it has all the amenities. Oh yes, it does. Docking minisub, staterooms, full baths...kitchen, lounge, bar...diver lockout chamber with decompression, and the viewing ports are average sized at 6 foot in diameter for the optimal viewing experience. I almost go into mental oblivion thinking about it. I could live on it. Go anywhere. Fuck.

My mind knows it will never happen. But its hard to convince the imagination sometimes of that fact. But I allow Myself to dream, as it is often in dreams we are able to escape the unpleasant realities if just for a fleeting moment. That is My dream. My wish. My escape from the crap around me. Even if its only in My head.

Have you ever felt as if you didnt know someone as well as you thought? SOmehow by surprize you discover something has changed in them, but doubt if it was always there before, or it is some new behavior? How uncomfortable it made youy feel, out of place. Maybe even emotionally seperated from them suddenly, like you have drifted apart without realizing it. That just happened to me tonight. Almost like a total 180 but I had to try and understand if it was always like this, and I just missed it. I didnt like feeling out of place, or out of the loop.

I offered to have sex with someone if they bought the submarine for me. Maybe I was teasing them, maybe I wasnt. But it sure seemed like a long shot for them in any case. Not even a win at lotto will grant one of those bad boys. Millions wont cut it. You need to be Bill Gates. He would prolly order one for each day of the week.

I feel out of place. An out of mind experience. Like Im not living my life anymore, and Im in some sort of limbo.

Somehow I am sure this is normal human drama shit again.