My mom has been in the hospital now for at least two months. In this time My dad has been preoccupied with her health and it left little thought for anything else. He forgot to pay the cable bill and our internet was shut off. Oh joy.

I paid it yesterday and I am back on track.

There was one day where mom had been released from the hospital to the nursing home but that was short lived. I kept asking if that was ok, as I knew she was prone to regression after all that has transpired and My dad assured me the doctors were sure. Ok. She shortly after being released began to hemmorage. Alot. She was rushed to the hospital again. Word is she will be brought back to the nursing home again soon but I wait with baited breath on that one.

Some thoughts on the news.

A man was about to be sentenced to death for converting to christianity, from islam in a predominantly muslim nation. For one I know the christians out there will feel the warm fuzziness of thinking he was "saved" and it will deepen their faith, but I laugh at the muslims who felt so rejected by this mans change of heart to kill him for it. What kind of message does this send the world that you are so afraid of free thinking that you would kill people for going with what feels good to them? This is just one example of the rigid thinking which fuels the hatred muslims overseas have for the USA. We here in the United States enjoy many freedoms people take for granted. Until the truth is staring them in the face they deny it even exists because it might conflict with everything they felt comfortable believing. One man stood up for a belief, and the goverment, not just the popular thinking of that nation declared war on him. He almost lost, but not for outcries from the rest of the world. Peer pressure, made them bite their tongue, and find him either "impaired mentally" (because we all know if you arent muslim, you must be crazy) and unfit to stand trial. Yeah, good cover guys. I believe you.... *rolls eyes*

School shootings, murderous rampages after parties. Whats the world coming to.

You know I am the type who would have rushed in to stop the attacks if I knew they were to take place or were already underway. But the nature of action, is reaction. Who thinks I wouldnt be sued by the families of the people I saved for "risking" the lives of those who were in danger in the first place. Or if I was working and I witnessed a person being assaulted and decided to do nothing and watch as they were violated like prison bitches. I would be sued for doing nothing to help them. Damned if you do, damned if you dont. Same goes for first aid. I could be civily charged and sued for not rendering aid to a hurt person. But at the same time you know how many people are sued for breaking ribs for properly performing the Heimlich, or CPR? Alot. Ungratefull motherfuckers. Just one reason I have no more desire to be law enforcement.

This computer has just about had it. I cant even run a simple disk defrag. It just freezes and skips like a record would with a scratch in it. My antivirus wont stay turned on. And IE keeps crashing. Software conflicts as well as viruses I know can cause this but its also a 7 year old computer. Old hardware, and old software cant keep up with more advanced programs and they shit on one another. As with all things I am conflicted about how to go about all this. There is alot of things I should be spending money on. Like fixing my car. Or paying off bills. But paying off debts wont keep me sane. So I need to make the morally negative choice to replace this beast with something newer.

And speaking out loud, but not because I require a answer. But is it hypocrisy to push away someone who likes me that I have no feelings for but to feel "unwanted" because people I do like dont notice me? I think it is to a degree.