What is the state of affairs of a relationship when you do not hear from a friend for weeks. And worse yet you find out they were in the hospital for nearly a week, and didnt tell you even after they were released a week after? I thought I was closer to them than this, but maybe I was mistaken.

Once again I am not used to being pushed outside the circle. I should feel offended. Most people would accuse this person of being distant. Distrusting of me. I care for them, and more than likely at the price of My own feelings.

Aside from My cure for smoking I had the grand idea of creating a gameshow. Part "Jack-ass" part wheel of fortune. There would be "Vannas'" and a wheel I would make which would change for each show. Fun part is I get to invent the ways people get hurt.

B.A.N.C: "bullet ant nipple clips" Real bullet ants from the jungle, one for each nipple. They are called thus because being bitten feels like being shot.

E.B.P: "electrified butt plug" is as its sounds. A buttplug, changed to include electrodes which accepts current directly, or fed through an alternating source which is timed.

Three contestants, sex is coed and each spin of the wheel stays in effect for the duration of the game. There will be slots for "reprieve" or "combo" which puts two tortures together. Prizes are awarded and money given. Just imagine the ratings.

I am daydreaming too much. I have not focused on real life at all like I should have been doing in the first place. There has been some reflection in the concept of concience over invention, and how human beings have given way to advances. Essentially the rape of the world we live in.

We are so concerned over our own little lives that we do tend to forget what our selfishness does to everyone else. The extremes in weather is partly of what I am speaking of. I see the world changing and not for the better. We are wittnesses to the changes which might kill all of us. All the years of pollution and plastic hamburger containers is taking its toll. Not to mention all the cars on the road. We as a species only make change when something isnt going our way. Only then do we make the attempts to do the right thing. Like the guilty criminal we are only sorry when we have been caught. Global warming will never be reveresed I think. Not for thousands of years even if humans vanished from the earth. So what do we do? We convert to alternative fuels. Once again we are trying to bandage the wound we opened in the first place. But the greed in the world will never let it happen. They will continue to fill their pocket to the ends of us all. Ultimately we will kill ourselves.