They recived a letter. Presumably my letter to the county executive. It had been forwarded to the veteran dept of the county and they contacted me solely on the fact I mentioned I was a vet.

My discussion didnt last long, I spoke of My dad. Our situation. Even though there is a possibility My dad can get an increase in his vet benifits, there was nothing they could do for me. At least I know someone read the damn thing.

But I am not better off now as I was then. So.....what I am I supposed to do?

Sorry, we cant help. As heartfelt it might have been, it didnt comfort me. I dont blame the voice on the phone for failing me (at least it feels like failure). I had to apoligize to him becuase My voice started cracking, and I did for a moment let emotion escape.

Payday. This is where subtraction takes center stage in the role of depression. Car insurance: $100 Car payment: $200 Utilities:$300+ Gas for two weeks: $90+ Food and nessessities: $200 This is a regular cycle. And it leaves me broke each payday, despite the money in the pocket.

Whats next...

Legislators? Press? How far do I have to dig to get somewhere? At what point do I have to compromise My dignity, or pride to seek the help I need to make this all work? Being a fully fuctional adult isnt what I thought it would be.

I still have to get My taxes done.

Who the fuck knows...

You knew damn well I have My moods. I am being selfish right now. I have to be. Because there is no one out there who will help me. Im not going to apoligize. It would piss me off even more....

And yet another peson is trying to cause trouble for me at work. As if I need that. Even though they know this fat cow is acting up, they have to "address it" anyway. Whatever. Perhaps I should put two rounds in her chest. Too rash?

I saw Myself as an old man today. RIddled with arthritis, and bad knees but still walking upright. The oldest living Dom/Master/Bastard on earth. Past My eighties. Old school ass beatings. I was still single, but doing things My way. Aligned with no one I proved that you can do it your way, and make it. And I still had My strength. At least a little, cmon I cant be that decrepid that would break My heart you know?