This week I was out in the Hamptons, and the east end doing deliveries. This is where My dad has been working as well for the last 17 years. He has been a driver, and dispatcher for a taxi service out there. After several diffrent owners, my dad has been a mainstay on the east end. His face is well known, and he is a regular caller into some of the local radio stations with road tips, and trivia answers for which he gets alot of prizes. This is his life. Twelve or more hours a day, sometimes six days a week and he is nearly sixty.

I asked him how his work search was going, and he has to wait until march to try and interview for a security position on a local college campus. Doest seem all that good, and you would expect him to be near retirement age right? Wrong. Three years ago his job took him off full time pay, and hours and made him a "off the books" local driver for comission only. He must pay his own gas, and they charge him weekly for use of a car to and from work. Guess what he took home yesterday for pay after 13 hours working?

A twenty dollar bill, and a $16 pay chit for a medical run.

Thats it. $36 fucking dollars.

If you dont know how badly my heart hurts for him......Fuck...

He is My hero. Always has been. He never compalins. Is devoted to his wife unconditionally. He NEVER forgets an annaversary, or her birthday. And he works hard. Often coming hom eto more chores and he gets maybe 4 hours sleep a night. This is his world, thr past 17 years. And his health hasnt gotten better these past years. Neither has My moms. He is more concerned for her surgery in a few weeks, than himself. We are mere dollars away from being homeless again.

I cant afford to move out, and live ona couch in the living room. My older brother is blind, and works partitme at a school. My sisters are either married with baby, or just lost and drifting.

Such is My desperation to save all of them.

I wrote a email to our county executive last night. I have never written any governmental figures before and I felt shameful to even bring up the subject of asking for help. Briefly ( and I do mean brief) mentioning My military service, and nothing of My families plight I asked simply for guidance, to have someone tell me how to get into this school. My entire future, and My families futures depend on it.

I am so much like him. As time passes I get closer to him than I ever was as a kid. There is more in common now than cartoons, or baseball. I am a grown man, and so is he. WHile other men his age are considering retirement, or buying expensive things to show their success, my dad gets up each day at 4am to drive to a dead end job, just because he doesnt know how to quit. And neither do I.

Its 30 degrees outside, and 50 degrees in the house. My bones are chattering.

No wait, the temp went up to 54 degrees. o_o

Who the hell knows if anyone will help. Another charity case makes people feel horrible. Like somehow if they dont give token charity they are horrible people. I dont want charity. Just a chance, you know? So much rides on this.....

It is hard to stay focused. So much easier to day dream about other things and let everything fall apart around you. But that will solve nothing.

And I must add I saw some pretty faces driving the most expensive cars today. It made me realize those are dangerous women. Those are the types who start wars, and leave men weak. Maybe its a blessing to not want one, as they dont look at me as approachable anyway.