Three of My last stops yesterday graced me with over $1.2 million in cash alone.

I know what money is, wher comes from and how it circulates. But attaining it is almost impossible. My coisin Jeff spoke to the financial aid counselor on My behalf yesterday. In less than 12 hours he decided he was in over his head. Just like Charlie he described how they asked many kinds of questions, and how uncomfortable it made him feel. But Jeff then made a point to say he would feel safer getting a personal loan for the money, then giving out all his personal information to someone he didnt know.

If he had gone through with it I would be starting school on Monday. But I wont be. Even if I found the money I couldnt start until March the earliest.

I tire of the emotional rollercoiaster, and being made out to be a liar. Telling people its My last day, and showing up for work the next day. Its embarrassing, and I am sick of it. Its depressing to see how hard this really is. Long ago I said the financial aid was going to be the most difficult part. I already knew it would be. What will I resort to? A bake sale....nude carwash? Going door to door.....this sucks.

I feel guilty asking anyone for help. Unlike me so many people are very suspicious when it comes to money. They arent as generous as I am. Ive given people Ive never met from online money to get away from bad situations. To this day Ive never been repaid. Usually those people dont even stay in contact anymore. Almost feels ungrateful to me....but I still do it.

The admissions counselor, and the Aid one are just as dumbfounded as I am. They express incredulousness as they cant understand why no one will have faith in Me. I offer no excuses, or express opinions to such matters. Friend, or family I wont bad mouth someone like that. Speculate all you want but dont assume anything is certain until its staring you in the face.

I heard My sister was visiting my nephew and had called "Bill" to come over. I expressed interest too and before I could make it there they told me he didnt show up. Im sure someone tipped him off. Considering I would be armed upon arrival.

There are no grants or scholarships I know of which award monies to trade school students. Undergraduates yes, validictorians and those of ethnic origin. But not caucasian males looking to go play underwater. This I know because I didnt qualify for the Pell grant. One of a few I could try for. The GI Bill was ok'ed, and so was the Federal Stafford loan. That still leaves tuition when all other expenses are covered. This isnt money one can pull from a tree. And I have no idea where it will come from.

My cousin would try for a loan but how will I pay him for it? Federal loans dont need to be repaid right away, or for 15 to 20 years. Personal loans are diffrent. This will cost him money, instead of the loan being in My name with a co signer. The co signer will not be on the loan agreement unless I cant meet the payment requirements after Ive graduated. COnsidering the cost, and My salary if I am hired that would be absurd to believe otherwise.

Fed aid was simpler, I wouldnt owe anyone anything. They would only back me in faith, not finance charges. This is a huge moral problem for me. As badly as I want to do this, I dont see any easy resolution to the problem. Nor will I beg. If I cant do it the right way, I wont do it. This of course means I am shorting myself in My furture to back My own moral highground. Most people wouldnt think twice about lying for money. I cannot.

They are finishing My suspension today. One of the owners brothers drove me home while they work on it and we were talking about money.

One of the doors of My truck somehow opened while we were moving yesterday in a busy section of Nassau. I heard it open and looked back as My stomach fell to My feet. Quickly racing to the back I saw a car had stopped behind us watching. They only stop for one reason. Free samples. With a free hand I motioned him to move around us. He peeled out and took off. No money was lost. But I still felt suspicious, and was on high alert. Ladies and gentleman there is no such thing as "finders keepers" if a bag falls off a money truck. The brother was laughing at me as I said this. He really thought you keep what you find. Free money and they arent liable. I am here to tell you thats horseshit. A year ago one of our coin trucks flipped over on the interstate. Bags of coin fell out all over, and people stopped their cars rushing to the scene to put as much as they could carry into their pockets, and bags. One woman was found with a bag of quarters in her blouse. They were all arrested. All of them. All of a few dollars in change was not recovered. If you take what doesnt belong to you, you will go to jail. Period. Larceny, is still larceny. Someones loss is NOT your fucking gain you ignorant morons. But that doesnt stop people from trying. The only time people show remorse, or guilt is when they have been caught. Fact.

I also dont believe people when they stop behind us to say they wanted to "help". Sure, nice try. Move your ass away from My truck.

Finding money is too convenient a fantasy. Reality reminds us of that everyday.

If you find a penny though, and dont need it Im taking donations for the "Send Ghost 2 School" fund.

*points to the lower left corner of the screen.*