I am home freezing, and tired as hell. I should be doing lots of things, mainly cleaning up, and packing. And I have to pee.

My MSN messenger wont log in, nothing works really.

I worked alot of hours yesterday and the day before. Sunday after My normal route I was asked to stay behind and guard the vaults so some extra stops could be picked up by other bodies. 13 hour day. Last night was similar. I was put on a route I had only been on once before, but this time with the orgional driver, and a new guard. One was Jamaican and the other a charming fellow who also sported a all year tan. I felt like the icing in an oreo.

We had a great time. I tore both of them new assholes and made them feel like complete morons. First and last impressions (since Im leaving) are lasting. Despite bruised egos they laughed their asses off and had a good time as well. And for the mack daddy driver I was a walking cock block in each and every stop. I didnt give him a moments peace to put the moes on all the helpless lasses behind their desks who would have been wooed with his ummm....dashing good looks and poor table manners.

But I have no shame and even threats of retirbution, revenge and payback were laughed at as they realized with My claim of "I have no shame" they resolved to defeat and laughed more. I mean I make fun of Myself too, so there is no recourse but to suck it up......

I need money. So I volunteered for a late night shuttle to the city. STarting at 6pm, it goes until we are done. Wrapping skids of bagged coin. Tankering large sums of deposits. We had 12 transporters, and 16 sleds of coin. The tractor trailer didnt get over 50mph the whole trip. 0-60mph didnt happen and a kid on a tricycle could have beat us in a acceleration race.

We didnt get back to the terminal until 3am.

I drove home on empty streets. I was a mile or two from home when I saw a police car in the opposite direction make a quick u-turn and get behind me. Somehow I knew when I saw the U turn he was coming behind me. My fucking missing headlight.

He hit his lights and I pulled over but I wasnt nervous. I know I wasnt speeding, or driving erratically.

"do you know why I pulled you over tonight sir"

No sir.

"you have a headlight out"

I just nodded not making eye contact. I knew he was right and I wasnt going to say anything.

"you know the drill"

Not saying but thinking it I said to myself....no I dont know the drill. I just handed him the registration, and license.

"Where you going tonight?"

"going to work, out drinking, coming from work?"

I am coming from work.

"I see you work for CDC"

Yes sir.

Where is CDC at actually?"

I told him.

"What time do you normally start, long day?"

I told him.

"What do you guys carry on the job?"

I told him. I carry a .45

"HOLY SHIT! WOW!"

"Thay let you carry those?!"

Yes sir. Based on My history, and profeciency I am permitted. He was genuinely surprized and admitted he was carrying a glock. No surprize there.

I understood all the questions. He was checking for slurred speech. I was not drunk, but I was exhausted and he knew that. He let me know with the last words...

"ok, Im not going to keep you any longer. Get some rest and just wanted to let you know you have a headlight out"

Thank you sir.

He was courteous, and polite. He was also doing his job, despite the fact I knew he was NYS Park police. He is a good man.

Still have too pee, but breaking down and going to whizzle.

(pause)

Ok, I whizzed and made coffee.

My cell phones battery is acting up. It is telling me it is tired and doesnt want to charge anymore. Because it is so old, almost 4 years it will be very difficult to find a battery. And I just bought more sirtime for it. That sucks. I have every intention on buying a new one. One with some sort of internet access on it, like a Blackberry. I saw one actually go to diaryland so it is something. Maybe even get MSN messenger.

Tick, tick, tick.

Silence from a certain corner has me worried all over again. If his intentions are good now, tell me so I wont worry. Dont destroy your sanity for the sake of a selfish prick. Even if you love him.