No matter how invertantly your efforts were they still caused the same pain, and guilt.

This fucking sucks ass. I cant really describe it well enough to do it justice.

How some people always get the shit end of a deal, and then cling to anyone close enough to offer the kind of support they need. Short term satisfaction, long term pain if its wrong. I am scared. Maybe selfishly so, but My intentions are personal, and very real. I care too much sometimes, even if I am out of the loop.

She knows I care. But I hope she doesnt hate me for not liking her choice in men. Or that I wont even attepmt to get in the way. But I will silently rejoice in her victories. Cry in her losses, and console her when she didnt realize she needed it.

My fear is she will avoid me, and avoid the possibility of embarrassment, or heartache. She has been through enough. I have seen enough of her suffering. I feel it with her.

With all thats going on in My world, seeing this just makes me feel worse. The knots around My bindings are that much tighter, biting into the flesh making it feel more real, more personal.

It hurts with silence. I would rather be beaten than ignored. Not that anyone has beaten me, but it would be more welcome than what I am going through now. Her feeling she is alone in all this. her man beside her.....but in My thinking with his own intentions which are unclear. That is what worries Me.

I am sorry for writing this.