Thats like asking me not to think, or to take a breath.

It is like walking the edge of a razor blade when I speak to someone. SOmetimes I dont know exactly how far I can go before I step over that invisible boundary. The punishment for going too far I dare not think about. It is too harsh a reality to face. It would be losing everything you worked so hard to earn. Falling from themountaintop after a long journey to see the dizzying hiehgts from above. You tease me like no one else has, and I dont know what I should say next.

Say what you mean, do what you say.

How hard is it for people to speak their minds, and actually live what they preach. This is such a simple concept, but you wouldnt be shocked at the lack of conviction people display when they say one thing, and do another. When saying you are sorry, and you are caught once again performing the very offense which made you apoligize in the first place. So...in hindsight what weight should I put on that sorry you so easily handed over. Was it for appeasment, to make the bad feelings go away. You only get to burn me once, before I pull My head out of My ass and realize you arent the person I thought you were.

I somehow managed to chip the inner portion of a lower incisor today. The brittle crunch sound was unmistakeable, and actually one of My fears come true. Some nights I will dream I bite down and all My teeth break apart leaving jagged pieces left. Defenseless to rot and decay and I cant bear the pain, or to open My mouth.

Like the broken record, the scratched cd I repeat some things....

Dont ask me to not think about that.... I hope you arent playing Me. I couldnt take that....again.

Insecurity sucks. Its a ingrained phobia we all have under certain circumstances, but one we try to deny exists.

I purchased "hannibal" today so that I could watch it again. It is I think the best and most gruesome of the Silence movies. I especially love when the scarred millionaire whimpers as the wild hogs sniff him as he lay defenseless. And then as he wails in fright as they chew him to death.

I dont know....

I feel so scared...

Worried.

Unsure.