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10:44 p.m. - 2005-12-09

My sister is going in for surgery on the 22nd.

I went out when I realized My computer wasnt going to cooperate and I bought a ton of chinese food, and went to a movie. Goblet of Fire.

Part of me should feel ashamed of this fact, but I have spent quite a bit on adult type products for gifts for people. Tis better to give than recieve.

Miss Officehours....

It has been awfully perceptive of you to say what you did at the end. Silence from Me does signal certain things. It is only when some of those things overwhelm me that I try and get them out.

Some people who I come into contact with in the stops I make have experienced lately some of My moods. One girl in a restuarant noticed one morning that I was particularly quiet. Moreso than usual as I tend to be a comedian most times to put people at ease. I found this funny, that I was so easy to read. I try very hard to be a man you dont read well. Maybe that too is why people believe me to be mad most times just by looking at me. But we already know assumption is a bad thing, so is judging something by appearances. But I do get quiet when Im deep in thought. I warn people that I am to be left alone when I seem to be in a daze. Occasionally, I will twitch instinctually in a reactive manner. This is because I am playing out scenarios in My head. They feel so real they affect me physically. Many times I get goosebumps. Chills up My spine because those are the moments I feel everything around me. Ultra sensitive.

When I read about others lives....

Its brings to mind how I view My own. What Im lacking, what I feel they take for granted. Yeah...I know everything is relative, and I cant be so quick to judge others by what they do or say. I might have made the same choices if I had grown up the way they did. After all we are products of our enviorments right? So why arent a crack addict in prison for murder....

Let me fantasize openly for a bit. Open the pages of magic and play out a small vision.

I lead a semi normal life. Ive attended college, married a sweetheart, and have kids. I drive a volvo. Vacation in the Poconos and go golfing on weekends.

I shudder at the thought of the volvo, and the golf. But the family, I grip My hands together in open anticipation. It is unfulfilling living a life through the eyes of another person. I guess I just want some of the things other people have. Minus the yuppy crap.

I never got to call My doctor, but they did remind me by mail that I missed an appointment.

Crap.

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