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Jane Doe183 - 05/01/2012

March 14th - 04/20/2012

coming back....soon - 2012-02-02

Sickly - 2011-09-28

big changes - 2011-04-14

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9:24 p.m. - 2005-11-04

I slept longer than I should have.

It took me a full 20 minutes to find a parking space and get to My appointment. As unacceptable this was there is no use argueing the point with staff at the hospital. Wouldnt want all that useful land being used as a golf course to go to waste. Parking is too passe.

Once at rhe hospital I spent about 3 or 4 hours having x-rays taken of all the long bones for the physical the school requires for entry. According to the two techs who were taking turns shooting film, and getting them developed told me it was rare that someone needed such high exposures to get clear results. Normal doses of radiation wasnt enough to penetrate My large frame. So the end result was multiple exposures were needed to correct the weak images and I was feverishly trying to include the all important lead "napkin" which would ensure My testicles wouldnt be fried and become useless. Not that it matters right now but the thought of having kids one day made me remind the female tech I wasnt going without it, no matter how it interfered with the pictures.

I missed getting paid today because of all the xrays and how long they took, so that kind of pissed me off. Going through all these tests not even knowing if I will go to this school sickens me deep inside.

So I drove home wanting to eat something but was in no mood to cook. I would try a diner near my home for a change. My expectations werent high as local places arent known to cater to those accustomed to fine dining. Thye highlight of the venue was the hostess. A dark haired lass with exquisite footwear, and dress. She was very prwetty, and the service was fair. The food however, was severely lacking. My steak was to be medium, it was charred. The lobster tails were no bigger than prawns and burned. And chewing the meat was like eating burned leather, when it wasnt fat or gristle. I passed on dessert.

SO now Im glowing, still hungry and not happy at all.

If I stuck a lamp post up My ass I could light My driveway.

I am having a major problem with My laptop. Only one of a few culprits could be to blame. All of them software related. Spyware has invaded My computer despite antivirus software, and all programs are either not opening, freezing and not responding and actions I have taken to get rid of them have failed. Ive tried online scanning(which goes too slow to help) or several other programs to scan and destroy but they too freeze and stop working before they can eliminate the problem. So basically My computer is a slug, and I cant fix it without erasing everything and starting over. Personally I would rather crawl over broken glass while getting My gums scraped.

There is nothing quite like being caught between living and dying with no where to go...

Does anyone else live within invisible confines as I do? Why does everything seem so surreal at times, so fake. Knowing that what i see isnt what other people see, or relate to. As personal as a topic as this is I cant imagine what it means to have a normal relationship. Too many things have passed me by and I am doubtful I will recognize normalcy if it stares me in the face or not. It isnt for lack of maturity, or willingness, but one doesnt want to appear to be too eager.

I want to have someone to hold someday. I can be patient if it means waiting, but do not tease me with promises only to take them away when its convenient for you. It leaves behind confusion, and bitterness. But should it be something I hate you for, or let it slip past like the breeze....

It hurts to love something you cannot have.

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