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6:34 p.m. - 2005-04-30 I did not sleep.I am not hungry. The last 24 hours have been.....hell. Even people who saw My face today knew something was wrong. Sometimes it hard to hide how I feel on My face. It is well known I telegraph vibes outward and they affect evryone around me. Somber would have been a good word to use. Ultimately, whatever tomorrow brings.... I just want my friend back. Start over. "Hello, My name is..." And this can be a bad dream, I will finally be able to wake up and not doubt everything I know about people. As of right now My faith in people is in question. Questioning everything about myself. I put my spiffy clean uniform on today. I resewed buttons, delinted trousers, matched socks, and showered. Waking up was easy as the little critters chewing on something woke me up, from what was a listless trance anyway. Even the weather was miserable. Misty. Rainy, cold. Going through the motions was all I did. Aside from a late start we finished ahead of our prior runs in past months and I think things went rather smoothly. Even the car ran without too many glitches. There arent words I can use to describe the overall feeling I had today. Not without causing me to think about things more. It is hard not to focus on past events. Really hard. To be optimistic, hopeful things will get better. I dont know. All I can do is watch the minutes pass. And wonder.
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