Mix ups with bags....

Pissy weather. But topping the list of things which upset me has been the last few days revelations of things people say behind My back.

Its one of My biggest pet peeves. If you cant say it to my face, dont say it at all.

Someone, who shall remain nameless made a comment, about a comment I made to them in one of the stops Ive done. The actual mention of it came to me via another co-worker who was told about it by said someone in confidence. SOrt of like "hey, listen to what this guy said to me" as if I was trying to impress him, or reveal some out of bounds actions on My part. Maybe he felt he was doing my co worker a favor by "tattling" on me. The little whiner.

What "was" said was simply stated as this:

He asked how things were "out there". Any trouble and such.

Simple and innocent question. I anwered back honestly, but vaguely. Some things are best left unsaid. The day or so prior I needed to draw My weapon and maintain a defensive posture, to support operations with the truck. The area, and circumstances warranted such action. One of those times a supervisor himself was there with his weapon drawn as well. And when I say drawn, the pistol is along our side, finger off the trigger and straight. We were ready in case someone had a stupid attack. The areas we had drawn our weapons were well known robbery sites where we had been robbed at gunpoint previously. So I think it was a prudent and warrented action.

Obviously, a uninformed, and nosey moron thought otherwise. He had tried to point me out as a "loose cannon" or some amatuer gunman looking to gain credibility to some loser in a apron, and small office room.

You fucking moron.

With all that falls apart around me, losses I suffer, depression I endure the only thing I have is My reputation. How dare you take it upon yourself to shame me.

This whole entire event made me think long and hard about such people. And I even made a point to write down certain thoughts so I could put them here.

Why do people believe in a perfect, idealistic society, with no wars, no poverty, no crime, nothing bad can happen. Where the society they live in will garuntee their safety, and they can indulge selfishly in a utopia once thought impossible. They really believe it can happen.

Wait for it....

You know its coming...

Its all bullshit.

There, I said it.

The very nature of men, humans in general is covet, attain and take what they want. To spite anyone else. We srounge up land and claim it "ours" when it was always there. There is hardly any livable space which has not been claimed, and laws set there to obey. Everyone has thier own set of morals, laws and guidelines. So we arent a anarchy, pretending to be civilized.

But the man in that little room....pretending he knew more about My job than I did. Questioning My judgement. Really bothered me. How dare you, you clueless fuck..... by what power do you think you have the right to slander me in such a way? You think this belt and holster is just for show?

I have preached this crap before. And it can sound repetitive, and pointless. But if people dont do thier job, what garuntees your safety in that little box you work in all day? What false sense of security must you have to think my actions out of line? Do people really think that simply making demands will ensure compliance? That whole utopian thinking again. Humans are inherently curruptable beings. Power and wealth can make men do horrible things. Unspeakable things.

"yes, grant me the power to protect you, and you will be safe" (at a price)

The powerless "granting" power to the ones who had the power in the first place. Where is the equality you sought for?

What garuntees peace of mind to those who sit behind walls and feel safe when I see the horrors just outside view?

"I am safe in my box, it protects me because I say it does"

Sure it does.

How many people are emotionally unprepared for chaos, or hardships. Sept 11th was a reality check. We are so lost it isnt funny. How people can misunderstand the nature of the world is still a shock to me. The reality is you arent as safe as you think you are.

"proactive thinking"

My weapon out of its holster sends a message. Dont even think of robbing me, or taking my life because Im ready for you. Eyes scanning, empty hand flexing in anticipation. You just dont know....

You see me standing there, looking at you, My weapon in My hand. You dont even consider coming closer, regardless if you are parked right next to my truck.

I created a bubble of protection. I enforced My will and ensured a safe return for me, and My co workers. But that bubble was backed by a trained mind, and a symbol of My authority. Just like the sord in the hands of the lady justice. Blind but still wielding the sword of power. So the symbolism, and display of My authority is and will be warrented as I see fit.

It is also in men to fight boundaries placed on them by someone who might not share thier thinking, or morals.

"coloring outside the lines"

Like a coloring book, where the artist paints the outside of the picture using his imagination, rather than staying in the preordained boundaries of the lines intended to be colored we can see a contrasting mode of thinking. The pale, plain appearance of the conformist, the closed minded person pales in comparison to the wonder and uncontrollable mystery that is life. You cant control everything with words. To be unprepared for the unexpected can hurt, or harm. You cant ignore the facts. The truth or what goes on outside your little box.

That movie "The Village" is a good example of what Im trying to convey here. People intent on eliminating danger, or erroneous thinking by creating a flase enviorment. A sheilded existance to what lies outside the "box" in that case the small world they lived in by thier own creation. But protected by what? Those who know what the real world has. They were not oblivious to the horrors we face. But it really was just an illusion wasnt it.

Without experiencing horror, and hardships....we never learn. People will always fight the boundaries we are put into. Children disobeying tough, possibly evil parents, trying to do things for themself. Inexperienced people color outside the lines until they find out for themselves where they can and cannot draw.

I have experience. Yet I still look outside the box.

You go right ahead and stay in yours. And stay out of My way.