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9:32 p.m. - 2005-03-20

I forgot to mention something earlier......a few things actually.

One, My friend chuck has invited me to go on a sabbatical/pilgrimage to Ireland, and ultimately Amsterdam sometime in October. He claims it is a final fling before he hits 30. he is planning on spending a month there in a pre paid hotel room. All I would be responsible for according to him is airfare. And since it would be offseason, its around 3-400 hundred dollars round trip.

I am conflicted about this.

Money is hard to come by.

The voice of reason would say I should spend that money elsewhere.

Then there are others who say go out on a limb and live alittle. Memories are priceless. Or I could sit at home and regret not going.

I will have to think on that one.

Yesterday while on the truck we passed a blocked road with police barricades. Pretty odd unless there was an accident.

At the stop we were going to, on the street in question I asked what was going on out there.

They asked Me if I ever heard of Extreme makeovers. I said yes. The road is closed because they are rebuilding a home there for the show.

o_o

Apparently eveyrone knew about this, except Me.

I am a fan of the show. I think the do good work, for people who really need the help. But I am bitter about it.

St James is hardly a destitute neighborhood. it is actually a upper middle class area. It isnt unusual to see fancy cars in many garages. Homes worth millions at times. The family, the Vitale's suffered a loos of the mother of three young children. Cancer.

Cancer is ugly. It is your body attacking itself. As justifyable a loss it is....I am still bitter.

I am happy for them.

I would volunteer Myself to work on the house.

I have slept on a couch, for 6 years and counting. Better than the streets. But it is still shameful. My family has never had a home for long. My entire childhood was spent in shelters, or in the family car at the time. Even motel rooms in areas no one would dare raise a family in.

We dont even have a camera to make a video to ask the world to help us. And frankly, we would be too ashamed to do so.

We dont even own a home to renovate.

The house we do share isnt to code, its falling apart and its too small for us all.

I cry watching that show, not because the family is overjoyed. But because I am bitter.

But I am also happy for them. Some miracles do come true. It instills the hope that mankind isnt doomed to failure. People can rejoice in the dreams of others being fullfilled, even if it isnt their own. It is the goodwill of others, which make miracles come true.

I didnt go to work today.

Tomorrow I am going to a mechanic early to try and get that alternator installed.

It has been said life is a journey. It is hard to watch the scenery go by when you are staring at the floor feeling sorry for yourself.

A lesson I havent learned yet.

4 people who actually read this crap

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