As pitiful as My tax return was, its all the "play money" I think I will ever see. WHat does one strapped for cash buy for themselves when they have but one oppertunity to indulge in a little something. Is it shameful, having to owe so much? Do I actually spend it on Myself? I am quite conflicted about this. o_o

A new camera maybe? *quickly squashes idea*

A manager of a supermarket was finishing filling their ATM machine, with Me as security. She tried to give Me a currency bag for the deposit before the ATM safe was closed and locked. I calmly explained for her to retain the bag until she has finished with the safe because I needed My hands free "just in case".

"you just keep that thing in your holster, I dont want it out. They can take whatever they want"

Hold da phone...

I went into a small talk about how if someone came towards her with a weapon, I am her only defense. I am a paid professional, trained and certified by the state.

I took this personally. I dont tell her how to do her job, she shouldnt tell me how to do Mine. Regardless if they pay for me to be there they dont know how to do My job. I see it so often it is a reasl let down that not one person is willing to actually do what it takes to really protect people. The fact some guards, or security officers arent willing to do the job given them for fear of being hurt, or being liable for detaining, or hurting others in the act of commiting a crime. WHats the point then?

"deterrance" they say.

Our Nuclear arsenal is a deterrant. US Marines on a ship somewhere is a deterrant. Bouncers in a club are a deterrant. But if your deterrant is merely for show, you are worthless. All the above are actual and factual "consequences" for doing something wrong. If our enemies, or those who would do criminal acts knew police, or anyone wouldnt do a thing to stop them we would have a lawless society with pretty boys in uniform. Thankfull this isnt the case. My position is slightly diffrent. I am a private citizen, hired to perform those duties. So there is a liability issue. I am on My own when I leave that truck. My company wont back Me. If I am witness to, and in the middle of a crime being commited, a felony assault, or armed robbery.......My actions are My own. The consequences are Mine to face. Those are pretty daunting odds.

Damned if I do, damned if I dont....

If I am in a bank, and the bank is suddenly overrun by masked men. They brandish weapons and demand money, and compliance or more people will get hurt after they fire a few rounds into a nearby bystander and they die from thier wounds. (this is a big what if, but totally plausible)do I surrender, even after witnessing a murder? One, I dont like to surrender. Especially if My life is in danger. I am allowed by law to defend Myself, regardless of what anyone else thinks. But what would keep the family of the deceased from sueing Me for not acting? Nothing. And there are many tales of that happening in My line of work, and in My place of business. Its a "I" mentality. There is little teamwork there. The feeling of dread riding in a truck with a man who would never draw his weapon scares the shit out of me. I am really alone.

SOrt of feels like I am carrying all that money naked in the streets. I am asking to be a victim. RIght?

It sounds cliche. Many disagree with Me.....

But I will draw this weapon if I have to. I will use it if I have to. And I will do what few are willing to do. Be men.

One man, in the right place, at the right time can change history.