I first have to get this out of My head before it further currupts what functioning braincells I have remaining.

I went to the insurance company after work tonight to ask about some problems* Im having with people.....and the girl behind the service desk who was obviously new actually made Me gawk.

O_O

If its all about presentation, she won the blue ribbon .....

She had on the lowest cut blouse ive ever seen, and frankly.....Imk ashamed to say.....I had trouble trying not to stare. Her breasts.....were....magnificent.

She wasnt a chunky girl. She wasnt skinny. And they were tanned, real, staring at Me and I had trouble maintaining eye contact with this stunning girl who couldnt even be 20. She knew she was hot.

Today was shitty, but man......magnificent. And she was gorgeous to boot. I think when I see her again I will tell her if her boyfriend cheats on her, I will tear his arms off and beat him to death with them....

I was actually flustered. If she wanted to make a guy uncomfortable, she succeeded. Im sure she got her laugh, and it made her night. Of course now I will hate Myself for not being more.......I dont even really know....I already dropped the ball, with My jaw...

Its pathetic really...

"You're a dork, Ghost"

What else is new...

More legal troubles. This time I am fucking innocent!

Too long to get into, but I will have to get a lawyer on this one, and I might even end up sueing someone over this one. Im so aggrivated...

Today did suck moose cock.

Am I the only guy who after seeing a sight like the one mentioned above......goes into his head and roleplays scenarios of thi things he could have said to that adorable girl? Probably. Either Im really hard up.....or I am becoming more attracted to girls. It isnt like My balls dropped yesterday. Im almost thirty. Eeeeps....

I consider Myself to be fairly in tune with peoples thoughts. Possibly empathic in nature. And Ive been watching some people go through some harsh times. I talk of My life and they feel somehow diminished by the experiences Ive had. SInce when is life a competition as to who has it worst? We all have had ups and downs, and all are important in some way. We all handle things diffrently. One persons dilemma might be another persons daily life. It is all relative. I think thats one of the ways I am able to feel what it would be like to be put in someone else's shoes.....

Magnificent.......damn....

o_o

Im a pervert and Im going to ask shamelessly how many guys wouldnt want a pair of tits pushed into their face? Like right now? Hell, some girls wouldnt mind either. Hows that for statistics....

Lets change gears....

Feel like there is too much to do? Made too many promises/dates/appointments?

I see Myself as a child sometimes.....

They are honest about what they want in life. Ask any kid what they want to be when they grow up and 99% of the time they will ramble off a long list of things they want to do. Why?

Kids wether they realize it or not love to learn. They love exploring. Experiencing new things which seem exciting, and they can find excitement just about anywhere, doing anything.

Adults too like to learn. But we approch it quite diffrently. We usually focus on one thing, maybe a backup soon after highschool. WHy do they do that?

Many people wont admit it, but they think "not having a goal" or a major, or some other statture to achieve will make them look insecure, undecided, or childish. What the fuck is wrong with this thinking?

Since when is it wrong to want to do many things? Yes, it is impossible to experience everything life has to offer in one lifetime, hell maybe several lifetimes. Life is adventure. Life is learning, we only stop learning when we die.

Planning for college might seem like alot. All this preperation for a degree we are not even certain will garuntee us a secure future. How unfullfilling would it be to go through the motions to get a degree for a job we might not even like only because it pays well? I see too many people I care for biting off too much at once and its really getting to them. I wont name names.

Im still like the child, wanting to explore things. Not going through the whole NYPD thing has shown Me My priorities have changed. From societies singular goal oriented lifestyles, to a broader exploration driven one. I just want to live. To experience what might come without a preconcieved gauntlet of crap. Do I want to go to college? Yes. I didnt have the oppertunity to go when I was younger. Money really does change your prespective on things. And your oppertunities.

I see so many people out there, and in diaryland who are far more intelligent than I am. So much more advanced inthe learning then I ever was. SO far along, at such a young age. It inspires me sometimes. Wanting to be like them. Even when they might believe I am more ahead then they are.

Dont discount yourself this way. it is wrong to think like that. You see a endless road ahead. Testing, essays, written acceptance letters. Interviews. During your travels down that road.....please dont forget to look at the scenery once in a while. Because when its past, and you look back, you will regret ever letting it slip away.

Be the child. Keep the dream of doing many things alive. Not when you retire, not when you are a child. But your entire life. Each face you see is a new friend. EVery place you step foot towards might be a new home. DOnt put boundaries on things that were never there to begin with. Money might keep you from doing everything you always wanted, like Me. But it wont stop you from trying.

Damn those tits.....