The heat was turned way up. Im nearly sweating. Nose is either clogging up or flowing like a river. We wont say how much I had to go potty either.

I was forced to wake up.

I have less of a life now then before starting this job. Less sleep, less social outings.....less of everything except money. is it worth it all?

Whats to say I could even have a relationship now even if I wanted one? So who am I kidding anyway....

On a stop the other day our truck started draining, not leaking all the antifreeze coolant onto the ground. Yes people pointed at the big green puddle forming. Yes the engine and tranny were slipping during the morning. Yes we almost didnt make it back to get a new truck. They actually wanted us to wait 3 hours for a tow. Winter is so not going to be fun....

Im still trying to nail down the method for making spikey hair My bitch and have it stand at attention in a nice way. Im getting better. But as mentioned before who the fuck notices anyway?

I compared the NYPD exam "proposed" answer key with the answers I gave.

21, of 85 questions were correct...

o_o

Boys and girls.....members of the jury....

I have never done so poorly on any test in My life. The mere protest procedeure alone needs to be done in quadruple, AND in person. So even if you want to fight it they are fucking Me. I dont need that crap.

A few enties ago I mentioned the drunk driver. later that night I was driving along and realized something I always knew, but took for granted. When we drive each day and night. We assume automatically each person is looking out for us. As long as we follow the rules we wont get hurt.

More than 1 in 10 drivers in a night have been under the influence of a foriegn substance. Or lack of sleep.

What are the odds they wont follow those magical rules which protect you the driver? What are the odds if you are some unprotected person standing o the curb?

A automobile isnt a suit of armor. Crash ratings are for cars under CONTROLLED conditions. Highway speeds. (55mph) Dry pavement. Front and side impacts.

DO they take into account the asshole traveling in the opposite direction who "jumps" the devider traveling in excess of 80mph against your 55mph and he hits you dead on? No.....it doesnt.

Reality should be setting in. If those odds dont scare you, there is something wrong with you. or you live in the safest place on earth. A cave.

I couldnt help but grip My steering wheel that much tighter. Look in My mirrors that much more. Over My shoulder wondering which one might hit me.....

Paranoia?

No. Acceptance that the only one looking out for Me, is Me.

On the whole....I think I am doing better than previous years. Money wise Im leveling off little by little. Physically I am maintaining and making new plans to change My body yet again over the winter. mentally...well....I will plead the fifth on that one alright.

Misery loves company....

Might be why I have so many people to talk to.

o_O

O_o

So where is everybody?