Although I have existed on Ramen noodles before they are impossible to eat on a moving truck. And where Pretel, and HOW would I cook or prepare them on said moving truck? Hmmmmmmmm??? Yeah....I thought so.....Pop tarts it is.

I called about My friggin holster and I find it is back ordered until the second week in November. Well isnt that just special. Ive been waiting since Oct 8th....and Im no closer to getting it. My endorsment will take place on Friday, so I can carry Saturday. But not in a duty rig. which makes it complicated. How does one carry a gun without a fucking holster?

Duct tape to the rescue....

Stress at work.....

mail order hell....

And a perplexing question....

For the sake of arguement: If you decided to perfrom oral sex.......on a woman who has lost all brain function. Does that count as eating a vegatable?

Sometimes its good to be wrong. In My case very wrong.

I was 3rd man in the truck today. Taking care of the orders and deposits, dreaming up sick food sex questions and I was asked to go into the next stop.

Now without going into our whole SOP for operations. (Standard Operating Procedure) Here is the scenario.

Busy supermarket. In this particular location in a not so friendly locale near NYC we were surrounded by 4 locals sitting around the location where the safe is located. This by itself poses a security risk. The store is supposed to provide a barrier to hide behind as the money is transferred. We didnt have it this time. And neither My partner, or the store manager made these people leave the area. I felt very, VERY nervous. We finished our job and went back to the truck.

I voiced My concerns back on the truck as all that took place went against all I was taught in gun class. Instead of understanding My concerns they made it sound as if I was freaking out. Overexxagerating My problems, and unreasonable. When two older men tell me to "relax" as Im trying to explain it pissed me off. Then they went as far as to say someone "like me" who gets "scared" is a liability with a gun and made me sound like i would shoot anyone who looked at Me funny.

Ok, thats a big insult. I even called The instructor at the next stop to tell him what happened and he agreed 100% with Me. They were wrong. I was right. Comfort leads to complacency. By being so "relaxed" they are putting My life and theirs at risk. You can rest assured this wont be the last time people hear My two cents......

Vikings believed our fates were fixed. Unchangable. Some said muses in greek times were also cutting the skeins of time to fit each person.

"God works in mysterious ways"

So when the alcoholic man who had 3 martinis for breakfast hits your little sister or brother as they cross the street dont forget who to thank.

I dont believe our destinies are fixed. I know I have spoken of this before but I did more thinking on it today. What made that above mentioned man do what he did? Gods will? or his own weakness. We make our own circumstances. And when our chosen path goes away from a desired goal due to inaction, or over-reaction we regret the outcome. But who is really to blame? I used to be one of the masses looking to the sky and asking why. I dont anymore. In the dawn of a holiday season. I have no regrets about that choice. Many people would argue the point but I would ask them not to waste their energy on one who doesnt have the faith to share. Some strangers last holiday even said they would pray for me. All I could do was smile. I smiled not for his generous offer......but in the sense I could see where his faith led him. Blindly.

If I cannot have the utmost faith in Myself.....how could i give it away to a spirit in the sky which is supposed to have all the answers? Sorry. Not this guy......

I still enjoy the holidays despite the bitterness associated with them. We all have stories of horrors too numerous to mention. We share that tradgedy. I look to the holidays as the end of something, to step aside for something new. Familiarity and memories I had as a child are partially responsible. It used to be the best time of year.

Most of My mind tells me I am a man unto Myself. A lone spirit walking through the snow. Footsteps that when the time comes melt away into forgotten memories. memories are like that, lost steps in the snow. They remain if it snows enough.......sort of like if we experience/think about those memories long enough....we remember them more. Less snow....we forget them. Some memories we rain away due to the painful nature. All in all I like the comparison.